Random Thoughts from the Center of the Universe

Vroom Vroom

2011-08-25T02:14:00.001-06:00

Things are changing rather quickly.

I received the official "Congratulations, you've graduated! The diploma's in the mail" e-mail today. Since classes ended I've been thinking of myself as a graduate (I knew what my grades were and that everything was in order). Still, it's kind of weird to know that it's officially official. I'm not sure there's any point in the last 7 years that I really fully believed I would reach this point. I got me a BA.

To commemorate the official plunge into adulthood... Is this when it happens? Or did it happen already? Is there really a moment when a person becomes an adult? Or does it happen gradually? Will I wake up one day at 50 something and think "well, there's the last bit of childness gone"? God, I hope not. Anyway. The point is I bought a (almost new) car. That's a very grown up thing to do. Here's a picture:

It's a cute car. I love it.

Back to the adult thing. I refuse to wake up and have no childness left. I will never be too old to run through sprinklers. Well, I might have to shuffle through them at some point. Old ladies aren't always much for running.

I'm kind of all over the place with my thoughts at the moment. I should be sleeping, so that doesn't help. I've been at a going away celebration thing of sorts all night. A good friend of mine is heading off to grad school in Ohio. It's going to be weird without him. Or maybe they will be much less weird. He is, after all, one of the strangest people I know.

That's enough for now. I'm going to stop thinking and just dream now.

Are You Still There?

2011-08-10T13:44:00.000-06:00

Or perhaps it's more appropriate to ask if I'm still here. But I don't need to ask that question because wherever I am, I am there. Tautology FTW.

I miss writing. The compulsion to write is still present, and there's at least one moment every day that I say to myself, "I should sit down and write as soon as I get home." Of course once I get home, I get right down to not writing.

I have lots of not writing to get done right now, but I thought I'd pop in on my blog and let the internet know that I'm still here. And to catch the virtual world up on my life.

I've just graduated. That's my big news. Well, really, technically, I haven't officially graduated yet. Grades are posted on the 16th. Assuming I've passed all my classes (which I have, with mostly flying colors) that's when I will actually graduate. That's when they'll mail my diploma. The point is, I never have to take another undergraduate class again. Yay!

Other things that have happened in the last... 8 (shit) months:
I went to DC for a Lindy Echange and it was fantastic. Words: Battle of Big Bands.
I've started DJing swing dances. That's fun.
I'm about to (hopefully) start DJing Blues events.
I've become very disappointed with my health/weight and have intentions to fix that.
I've been single all year. But I'm now on kissing terms with a new boy. He's nice, but not terribly exciting. I hope he never has a reason to read this.

I hope I will get around to writing more now that I don't have to worry about class. I've been considering making this blog some sort of themed thing. I like the idea of making it a collection of lists. Or maybe, if I do that, I should start a fresh blog.

Anyway, I miss writing.

Auld Lang Whatever

2010-12-31T11:12:00.000-07:00

Well, the end of 2010 has come. Time for reflection and what not.

This year has really been a great one. Granted the last few months have not been spectacular, what with the car being wrecked and I've been in kind of a funk all December. Being dumped sucked some serious balls too.

But those were really the only two really bad things that happened. And the good things that happened this year were really fucking fantastic. I went to LONDON! I got the job that I wanted and it is a good job. I did very well in school this semester... which reminds me, I have to post pictures of the books I made in my Book Binding class. Plus, the boyfriend thing was really nice while it lasted. As crappy as it was when it was over, I was really happy while it lasted. I think that happiness was worth the pain that followed.

I'm not going to do too much reflecting about the year. I think what I've already posted pretty well covers it. 2010 was wonderful! I hope 2011 is just as good if not better. It will be hard to beat London though.

2010 was not a good year for blogging though, was it? Only 23 posts this year. Well, I don't expect that trend to change much. Even with the infrequency of my updates, I've posted more than most of my friends who have blogs. I think it's kind of a dying art. With twitter and facebook facilitating really short updates about the minutiae of our days, blogging seems redundant. And reading more than 140 characters is hard with our shortened attention spans. I'm not giving up on this old girl just yet, but I'm not optimistic that I'll post very often. It may turn into more of a tumblr type blog. I'll just post little things and link and pictures and things. I don't know. I guess we all have to just wait and find out.

Happy New Year everyone!

High Times Hard Times

2010-11-03T12:38:00.000-06:00

There are all sorts of clichés and platitudes along the lines of Sometimes you're up and sometimes you're down, The wheel of fate is always turning blah, blah, blah, etc. Well, clichés exist and persevere for a reason. Sometimes life hands you lemonade and sometimes it hands you a big steamy shit sandwich.

Last time I posted about my life (not about LGBT politics) I was swimming in happy. The thing about happy is that it is a very unreliable thing to swim in. When everything was going so well, I made up my mind to enjoy it as much as it is possible to enjoy something and not sit around waiting for the other shoe to drop.

Funny thing about other shoes: they tend to drop anyway.

After about two months of being together, boyfriend dumped me. The thing is, being dumped happens, two months is not really a long time to be with someone, and I may have been more attached than I reasonably should have been. Of course the term "reasonable" and all it's variations never really can be applied to romance. I was very nearly in love with him and when he dropped me I landed hard. I've gotten used to being single again. I'm good at being single. But it was really, really nice to be with someone wonderful.

I moped for a long time after being dumped. Just a few weeks after I really felt like I had really recovered life kicked me in the ass again. Last Tuesday we had unseasonably wintry weather. I was driving home from a dance thing and hit a bad patch of ice and my car started spinning. Don't worry, it eventually stopped spinning... when it slammed into a concrete barrier. I'm un-hurt, as is my passenger. So I guess that's good. My car, on the other hand, is smashed and probably un-savable.

More bad news: my car is (was?) really old so I only had liability insurance on it, so none of the damage is covered.

It is very possible to get around without a car. Utah public transportation pretty much sucks (the ten minute drive from my house to work takes just over 45 minutes by bus), but it's do-able. The thing is, I have always been wildly independent. Even more so of late. I like being able to go where I want when I want and not have to rely on other people. Unfortunately, without a car I have to rely on other people to get places. I know I shouldn't mind it that much, and I have people who can drive me around, but it seriously cramps my style.

I might end up buying a clunker for a few hundred dollars. Something that will last me a year or two. That way I could at least get myself around. We'll see.

Now, on a happier note: I still have my awesome job. I still have very little school left (although I might have to spread out what is left a little longer because I don't have time to work, go to school full time and take really slow public transportation from one to the other) and it's going very well this semester. I love my classes. Except Spanish. I don't love that but, well, it has to be done. And it's not bad.

Even the crappy stuff is not really that bad. I like the idea of taking the bus more, and walking places. It's better for the environment and for my health (except when the valley is full of smog, which happens fairly often). I would rather not have been dumped, but... well, I don't mind being single and I don't have a lot of extra time to dedicate to a relationship thing.

There's something about dealing with the shit life give us that kind of lets us know we're really alive. I can't believe I just said that! How cheesy can I get? Still it's true. I'll leave you with a fun song about it. By The Eels. They rock.

LDS, LGBT, HRC (and several other letters as well)

2010-10-05T00:12:00.000-06:00

As many of you (at least those of my readers who are in Utah), this past weekend was the LDS Church's General Conference. Conference is generally something that doesn't have much effect on me. I avoid trying to drive or eat at restaurants down-town and that's about the extent of my involvement. Like with all things to do with religion, I say to each his own. Live and let live.

This year the speech made by President Boyd K. Packer raised a lot of hackles. I'm friends with a lot of queers and consider myself part of the LGBT community. Not because I am LGB or T (although I have been declared an honorary gay boy for pride) but because I support their cause and believe that gender and sexual orientation shouldn't matter.

The press statement released by the Human Rights Campaign in response to Packer's speech popped up on my facebook several times this morning. I read it, and a few other articles (mentioned below), and then reposted it.

My friend Jeremy posted a reply with a link to this blog post which is, as he put it, "a good response to many of these allegations." I feel like at this point I should tell you that I greatly respect Jeremy's opinions. We don't agree on many issues (mostly involving politics and religion), but that's ok. He is an intelligent person and does his best to be well informed. As do I.

Anyway, you should read both things I linked to up there. Go on. I'll wait. The rest of this post is my response to them so if you don't read them you could probably stop reading now.

Connor Boyack makes some valid points, but his blog tips a little toward hypocrisy. I don't want to get into that. Hypocrisy is almost impossible to avoid in a heated issue like this. Boyack does make some valid points.

The HRC is certainly not an unbiased source, and a lot of their rhetoric is exaggerative in order to make a point and stir people to action. It's also probably true that most people who support HRC and LGBT causes will probably not read any further into the issue. That is a damned shame. People really should be willing to explore multiple sources for information and to look at both sides before they firmly come down on one side or the other. They don't. And that is how we get ignorant and uninformed people on both sides of an issue.

After reading the link Jeremy posted, I followed the link from that blog and listened to Packer's speech. I also read through "The Family: a Proclamation to the World" which plays a significant role in what Packer said. I've also read the article in the Salt Lake Tribune, the article in the Herald Journal and another blog, written by a member of the LDS church. I feel like I'm well informed enough to make an informed statement.

HRC has two, very important points. Packer's words are dangerous and, at times, inaccurate.

Inaccurate because same-sex attraction is not unnatural and it cannot be cured. People cannot help who they are attracted to.

Dangerous because what he said does effect the way the church members consider LGBT people. It is probably most dangerous to members of the LDS church who are gay. It creates a hostile environment for them in exactly the places they most need support. Being gay is hard enough without your community telling you it is unnatural and impure.

Moreover, there are people who will take Packer's words and will twist them to justify the kind of bullying and homophobic behavior that lead to the recent suicides. Yes, I know Packer didn't condone that sort of behavior in anyway. Yes, it's possible to twist anything to justify anything else if we try hard enough. But Packer is a very influential spiritual leader and his speech was pretty clearly anti-homosexual. A person in his position must be extra careful of what seeds he plants in his community. How hard would it have been for him to plant ideas of tolerance and openness? How hard would it be to spread a message of love and acceptance of all our fellow human beings?

Pop Goes the Weasel!

2010-08-09T15:12:00.001-06:00

Remember my Bubble of Tremendous Potential? It's pretty much gone now. Don't worry, it popped in the most pleasant way possible; pretty much all the potential was met.

Now that there's no danger of jinxing things, I can tell you all the good news.

First (and probably most important) I have a new job! It's basically my old job but now I have benefits and I only go to one library. Even better- it's exactly the library at which I was hoping to get a job. It's close and I really like the staff and the patrons. The position is only 20 hours a week so it will work really well with school (which starts in two weeks! More on that later).

Second (and probably most fun) is a much improved romantical situation. There is boyfriend. He is wonderful. We got together around the Fourth of July and things have been going strong since. I'm not telling any more than that because it's none of your business. If you know me outside of the internet, I'll be happy to talk your war off about him in person.

Third (and this is probably still infusion process of popping really) is teh skulze. I'm really close to graduating, you guys. It's crazy. Plus I can totally start slacking off as far as classes go. I have almost all my upper level credits done so I could take all intro classes next semester just to get enough hours to graduate. What little time I have left in school is going to be super fun, I think.

Those are the big things. I planned to write more today but I'm posting from my phone which is kind of a pain in the ass. That is also my excuse for any typos/weirdness.

Everything's Coming Up Roses for You and For Me

2010-07-16T13:12:00.000-06:00

The last two weeks I have been living in a bubble of Tremendous Potential.

I'm not going to go into anything specific. I don't want to jinx it. But things on several fronts are going in a really great direction. If the trend continues wonderful changes will be happening in my life very soon.

I think times like this are the very best in life. When the bubble of Tremendous Potential is lingering. The anticipation is delightfully hard to bear, the excitement is palpable, the possibilities are endless. This moment, just before everything goes right (ummm let's hope they actually do go right. I know I can't count on that happening for certain), is a wonderful place to be.

Isn't the time after everything goes right better? No. No it's not. Yes, there is some relief in having everything settled, but once it is there is no more possibility for it to be so much more than it actually is.The time after everything goes right is like the time after you finish a really good book. It's a relief to see that the crisis is over, the characters are living happily ever after, the mystery (if you're reading a mystery) is solved. But you also no longer have that book to read, you have to leave your characters and their lives. You no longer get to wonder what is going to happen because you already know- you finished the book.

What if there are sequels? Shut up! You're ruining my metaphor!

The bubble of Tremendous Potential is like the very middle of the book. You don't want to put it down because you are so wrapped up in the characters and their world. You want to read as quickly as possible because you can't wait to find out what happens, but you also want to read as slow as you can stand because you want to relish the moment and stay with the characters.

Ok, so the analogy is a little imperfect. When I leave the bubble, I'll still have the same characters in my life and be living in more or less the same world. But it's more the feeling I'm talking about; the excitement and the hope.

As much as I like this moment, I know it can't last. Potential destroys itself if it continues on unfulfilled. I feel very confident that things will go well, but like I parenthetically stated above, I can never be positive. If you feel like crossing your fingers for me if wouldn't hurt anything.

Listy Things

2010-06-25T17:29:00.002-06:00

Top 5 Things I Miss About London (in no particluar order)

3. The Tube - more specificly, public transportation that actually takes you places you want to go, and quickly

2. The plethora of opportunities to participate in the arts - museums, theater, opera, symphony, concerts

5. All the markets

1. European Men - Holy cats! Do those guys know how to dress! They always look fantastic. Guys here in the states are super shlubby by comparison

4. Having the rest of Europe at my fingertips. Granted, I didn't travel all that much, but it was there.

Top 5 Things I'm Really Happy About at Home (in no particular order)

4. My friends and my family. I missed them.

2. My bed! The beds at Regent's, where we stayed, were not very comfortable. Plus they were small and the quilt barely covered the mattress. I'm so happy to have my nice, big (comparitively) double, soft mattress and all my pillows and my lovely soft sheets.

1. My own room. My roommates in London were very nice. I like having my own space though.

3. Bacon!

5. Ice!

There's No Place Like Home

2010-06-25T11:22:00.000-06:00

Well, I've been back for about four days now. Life in Salt Lake hasn't really changed much while I was gone. In the next few days (actually it will probably be more like the next week or so) I will hopefully find the time to fill in some of the gaps in my account of my trip. Dublin, for instance. Visiting there was one of my absolute favorite things I did, but I haven't given it more than a short paragraph in this here blog.

For now I suppose I should finish my brief account of the trip. The last two days passed rather quickly.

Thursday
I went to Saint Paul's Cathedral in the morning. It was really spectacular. I then climbed up 530 steps to the Golden Gallery. There I was with the most spectacular view of the city of London from right smack in the middle of it. I pulled out my camera... and realized that I had left the battery in my room. Sad day. Actually, it wasn't so bad. Big panorama's like that rarely turn out with a little point-and-shoot camera like I have. It was also kind of nice to spend the day without worrying about taking pictures of things - just to enjoy it totally in the moment. Except I kept seeing things and thinking "Oh! I want to take a picture of that!"

Anyway, I finished at St Paul's around 11:30 and then jumped on the tube. I took my lunch at Trafalgar Square and then went in to the National Gallery. After looking at art for a few hours (they had some very impressive pieces, and the building itself was rather pretty as well), I jumped back on the tube and went to Harrods. I would have rather skipped Harrods, actually, but I was commissioned by my mother to buy some tea that only they carry. It's the Harrods brand so....

Thursday night I went out with some other students. It was kind of a one last hurrah since a lot of kids were leaving really really early on Saturday so would not be able to go out Friday night.

Friday
I slept in a little and started packing. After lunch I went up to Camden do get some last minute shopping done. I went during a football match* so it was very pleasantly not crowded. Usually (based on the one other time I went there) it's cramped and busy. That's very neat for people watching, but kind of claustrophobic for shopping. Afterwards I watched most of the U.S. vs Slovania game, went out for a nice final dinner, finished packing... and that's about it.

All the pictures from the trip are up on Flickr. There are over 1,000! So if you are planning on looking at them all I hope you have a lot of time.

Saturday I spend all day on a plane. I touched down at 11:59 at night and got home, to my own lovely bed, around 12:30. The next day was, of course, Father's day. I feel like I kind of hit the ground running. I've been mostly taking things easy, but I haven't had a day when I haven't done something. I suppose my life will soon get back to it's normal state of chaos.

Winding Down

2010-06-16T14:37:00.000-06:00

I only have two full days left here in London. I have mixed feelings about it. On one hand I have a long list of things I would still like to do (if I had time and money). On the other hand I miss all my friends and my family. I'm really looking forward to sleeping in my own bed and in my own room.

The last few days I've been keeping busy. Sunday I did go to the Marylebone Summer Fayre and Spitalfields Market just as planned. It was a fun, and busy day. Sunday night I watched Blood Diamond with a few classmates in the cinema here on campus (a bar and a cinema? Yes, Regent's College is pretty nifty).

Monday
I had class in the morning, as usual. In the afternoon I went to The British Library. It was...transformative, incredible, awe inspiring, breathtaking... and those words don't even come close to describing how _________ it was.

What was it that blew me away? They have an exhibition of "treasures," and treasures they most certainly are. In one room they have (safely in secure display cases) so many incredible things. The first thing I saw was the Shakespeare folio. The First Folio. Plus several other early, early publications of plays, and a manuscript with what is most likely his very own handwriting.

Next I saw Beowulf... the Beowulf, and the original (in Charlotte Bronte's handwriting) Jane Eyre, and Jane Austen's notebook and writing desk, and Virginia Woolf's journal from when she was writing Mrs. Dalloway, a draft of an Oscar Wilde Poem, a first draft of a Pinter play. These are all in the actual handwriting of these great, amazing, brilliant writers. And that bunch alone would have been enough to floor me, but there was still more!

In the next case was music. The first draft of Handel's Messiah. Scores written, by hand, by Mozart, Beethoven, Shubert, Hayden. I was literally in tears by the time I took all that in. I had to sit down and recover for a few minutes. And still there was more!

The next case was much smaller. In it was Beatles lyrics, originals. They had the birthday card on which John Lennon wrote "Hard Day's Night." They had 8 lines of an unknown song by George Harrison that is the only Beatles manuscript in his handwriting. Plus several other songs and an original John Lennon poem. And still there was more!

I turned around and found myself face to face with an Alice in Wonderland case. Within in, Alice's Adventures Underground: the original story, written out by hand and personally illustrated by Charles Dodgson (nom de plume: Lewis Carroll). Plus the original woodblocks for the illustrations of the first published edition.

Around the corner then were three pages from Leonardo Da Vinci's notebook.

This was only about half the exhibition. I left completely overwhelmed and thoroughly impressed. I can't even begin to find the words to describe how I felt to be in the same room as all those impossibly wonderful things. It was like a religious experience.

Tuesday
It seems odd to write anything after that. But the next day I was back out in London enjoying the city. I had class again in the morning. In the afternoon I went to Macbeth at The Globe. It was a really interesting production. I'll tell you all about it in a later post. I'm a little typed out now. I think my first week back will be very full of blogging just so I can fill in all the details of things I've breezed over while here.

Anyway, after Macbeth and then dinner we went on a Jack the Ripper walk. It was a very bloody day.

Today
We had our last class. And in the afternoon we went on a guided walk to Brick Lane. It was kind of neat, but I'm also very walked out. Plus it was the same general area as the Jack the Ripper walk so parts of it felt very redundant.

I am not up to very much this evening. I'm taking it easy and letting my legs recover. I'm going to need them tomorrow. I'm planning on going to Abbey Road, St Paul's, The National Gallery and Harrods. It will be a very busy day. Friday I'm going back to Camden to shop and then I suppose I will have to pack.

Slainte*

2010-06-13T02:36:00.002-06:00

I love Dublin.

I just had to get that out of the way first. I don't have a lot of time to write this morning, but I wanted to at least do a quick update. I'll probably go into everything more extensively later... like when I get home (which will be a week, sad face). So, on with it:

Wednesday after my brithday
The day was full of class stuff. In the morning we went on one of our walks lead by David Brady. This time we were (mostly) following in the footsteps of Mrs. Dalloway. That was really kind of fun because we had to read that book for class. And, that reminds me, I have to write a short paper by Tuesday. *sigh* Anyway, our walk took us through "club land" where all the men's clubs are and where all the men's shops are. That's where you go for suits, ties, cigars, fancy shoes (that don't have heels) etc. Best thing I found: Zombie cufflinks!

The Weekend after my birthday
A group of us headed to Dublin on Thursday. We took the train and then a ferry. I may have mentioned this, but I love Dublin! I think I may have liked it better than London. It deserves it's own post completely but here is a short list of highlights: I rented a bike from the hostel and rode around a bit, saw the Book of Kells and the Guinness Storehouse, drank lots of good beer, saw some live music. Here is a picture:

Monday
After spending all day on the train back from Dublin on Sunday, I was all set to spend the day recovering. But then some classmates said "We're going to Kew Gardens" and I said "I want to come!" so I spent the day in Kew. The gardens are really lovely. I took lots of pictures of flowers. It was a nice relaxing way to spend the day.

Tuesday
I did finally take some time to rest. I was kind of exhausted after Dublin and Kew. Plus I had some homeworking to do. So after class I spent most of the afternoon just getting things done. Tuesday evening I went to a play: Joe Turner's Come and Gone. It was brilliant

Wednesday
was full of class stuff. We had regular class in the morning and then the afternoon was another David Brady walk.

I have to confess, I had a hard time on this walk - I only have so much interest in buildings and architecture. It was kind of a rainy day. I like London in the rain. After the walk I took the tube over to Covent Garden with a few other people for dinner, then caught a play at The Dunmar that was really good.

Thursday
We took the train to Richmond and then took a ferry up the Thames to Hampton Court.

I would have been happy to spend all day just on the river. But Hampton Court was really neat too. There was a real hedge maze. I got lost for a minute. That evening I went to a concert of the Philharmonia Orchestra.

Friday
Lynsey and I took a bus to Cardiff so we could be nerds.

We did Doctor Who and Torchwood stuff (didn't see any Cybermen or Daleks or even Weevils out around town, sadness). Plus, we saw the church where Roald Dahl was baptized.

Saturday
Yesterday. I've finally caught up to the present! I had a slow morning, slept in a little, took my time getting ready for the day. Then we took the tube to the south bank and saw Henry IV, part 1 at THE GLOBE THEATER. It was really good. We were groundlings, which means we were standing in front of the stage the whole time. That also means we were really close to the actor and got a (semi) authentic Shakespearean experience. I loved it, though my lower back and my legs were a little unhappy about standing around for 3 hours. Last night was, of course, the USA v England World Cup football match**. I watched it with my fellow classmates in the sports bar on campus... Oh? Have I not mentioned that there is a bar on campus? Well, there is. After the match we wandered over to a nearby pub and just spent some time having fun.

Today I'm planning on going to a couple markets with my roommate. There's a big street fair on Marylebone High Street and we're also maybe going to go to the Spitalfields Market.

* Irish for "Health." It is a common toast and is pronounced slon-cha
** British for "soccer game." Football match sounds so much nicer though, don't you think?

Cheers, Mate!

2010-06-01T07:52:00.000-06:00

Oh I have been remiss! There is so much that I've done in the last week and I really don't want to spend a lot of time blogging today.
Really quick recap:

Tuesday we (as a class) went on a guided Shakespeare walk through London. We started at Middle Temple Hall, where the very first production of Twelfth Night was performed (and the film site of Hogwarts' banquet hall):

Then we proceeded to go past the reconstructed and relocated Globe Theater, the original site of The Rose theater and The Globe, and several other interesting things as well.

Wednesday we went on another walk, this time lead by our very quintessentially British guest lecturer, David Brady.

He's an Arts and Architecture professor at Regent's so his walk was more to do with architecture. Very interesting. Lots of buildings. We went from White Hall to Somerset House through Trafalgar Square and Covent Gardens. After the walk I dallied at Somerset House a while. They had a really interesting sound installation - the artist placed microphones under the Thames. As you walked around this interesting little space, you could hear all the different noises of the river. It was very cool and very difficult to describe. Finally I wandered around The Courtauld Gallery. It's a small art gallery but it has some amazing paintings, including two Van Goughs. One of those two is THE self portrait. The other is just spectacular. All Van Gough painting are, and you have to see them in person. Just the depth and the texture of the paint. I could stare at a Van Gough painting the size of a post card for hours on end and stay completely enthralled.

Thursday we took the train to Stratford-Upon-Avon (!)(... that wasn't nearly enough parenthetical exclamation. This is better: !!!!!!!!!!). It was really nice to get out into the country for a little while. We did all the typical Shakespeare tourist stuff, of course. The highlight for me was Shakespeare's Grave:

I know it doesn't look like much, but as I stood there I had chills. I was just a few feet away from the corporeal remains of the greatest writer of all time! Just let that sink in. The greatness is indescribable. Of course, we also went to all the important places: Anne Hathaway's Cottage, the Birthplace, Hall's Croft (his brother in law's house), and we saw a production of Antony and Cleopatra. The play was actually a little disappointing.

Funny thing: Seven years ago, Make-A-Wish sent me and my family to London for a few days. It was a wonderful, but brief trip. My actual wish was to see a play at the reconstructed Globe Theater and the play we saw was Richard III. It was a spectacular production with an all female cast. Very unusual, very interesting, very good. The actress who portrayed Richard in that production actually played Cleopatra in the play we saw last week. She's brilliant, but I'm not sure it was the best casting choice.

On the way back from S-u-A on Friday a handful of us decided to jump off the train in Warwick and have a look at Warwick Castle:

It was gorgeous. Sadly my camera battery died in the Peacock Garden so I didn't take as many pictures as I would have liked. C'est La Vie.

Saturday and Sunday I spent lazing about. My stomach rebelled and wouldn't let me eat anything so I spent most of my time in my room doing not much of any interest.

Yesterday I wrote a paper. In the evening we went to a play at The National Theater: London Assurance. It was fantastic! It's a farce, so of course it was funny. The cast was brilliant and star studded.

Today is my birthday so I am definitely going out tonight and having a fabulous time. I've got my eye on blues bar with a live band. Hopefully some dancing in is my future too. It will be grand! And, as per tradition on this blog, I have some some dancing creatures doing a birthday dance:

I like cats. Here's another one:

Good Day Sunshine

2010-05-24T08:24:00.000-06:00

This weekend in London the weather has been beautiful! In fact it has been almost too warm. I think when the sun come out all the Londoners head to the parks and proceed to take off all their clothes. Saturday I wandered around Hyde Park. It was thick with sunbathers and footballers and frisbee throwers. Not that I can blame them for being outside; it was gorgeous weather. It's kind of shocking how many people live here in the city though. I can't imagine any of our parks in Salt Lake getting so crowded. And here EVERY park was full of people. There are a lot of parks in London, and they're big.

Anyway, Saturday morning Mike, Ben, Katherine and I rented paddle boats and went around our little lake in Regent's Park.

We had the option of a paddle boat or a rowboat. Mike and I started with a rowboat and quickly discovered that we both were really bad a rowing. Since we actually wanted to get out into the pond (and not waste the whole hour we had for the boats getting 20 ft away from the rental shack) we quickly exchanged our rowboat for a paddle boat. It was a very pleasant way to spend the morning. Regent's Park is so picturesque, and it was nice to see it all from a different perspective - on the boat.

Saturday afternoon I struck out by myself (I couldn't find anyone from my group after lunch) and headed to Hyde Park and Kensington Gardens. I'm not really positive where one ends and the other starts. It's all one gigantic green space when you're there. Like I said, it was positively thick with people. I passed several hours wandering around people watching and hunting Peter Pan.

I also took a nap under a very lovely tree and snooped around Kensington Palace. I then headed out of the park and wandered around Kensington/Notting Hill (I walked up Notting Hill Gate, which is kind of the border between the two areas, as far as I can tell anyway). Off the main roads there were a bunch of adorable and colourful apartments. It was a really lovely neighborhood actually.

Anyway, I made my way over to Holland Park. Holland is a smaller park, but I think I like it better than Hyde. It's very shady and dense with trees and plants. It feels much more intimate. And by the time I got there, the weather had gotten really warm, so it was nice to wander around in the shade for a while. There is a theater in Holland Park too where they put on operas. I will have to see if I can catch one.

This is the little Japanese Garden in the center of Holland Park:

You can't see it in this picture, because I am a very clever photographer, but there were a bunch of people lazing about. There were "keep off the grass" signs all over the place, but anywhere that it could be argued that people could be allowed, there were people lazing.

By the time I was done wandering Holland Park I was rather exhausted. I had been walking for about 4 hours straight. So I jumped on a bus and went back to the college.

Saturday night I managed to have another adventure with a group of people. A handful of guys said they were going to a jazz club. They said it was right off a certain tube stop, there would be a live band, and there was no cover. I was still pretty exhausted from walking around all afternoon, but it sounded fun so I allowed myself to get talked into going. Well, it took two trains to get to the stop. Once there we had to walk about 20 minutes before we found the place we were looking for. The club, as it turned out, was not free (there was a 9£ cover), it was fancy dress (people were in full out 1920's costume), and there was no band, just a DJ playing jazz tunes. If we had been more prepared, it might have been fun to go to this club. Most of the people I was with were dressed really casually. Plus none of us really wanted to pay a cover.

At that point we all decided to head back at least to the area near the college. By the time we got back to the tube station (we just made it before the tube stopped running), I was falling asleep on my feet. When we arrived back I fell into bed and slept.

Yesterday was another beautiful day. It was a pretty relaxed day too. I walked up to Primrose Hill, just north of Regent's Park, with Cameron and Matt. There was a little street fair going on in the area. It was kind of fun to walk through that. I bought some fudge at one of the booths (Rum & Raisin fudge, Mom. It's so rich!) and we all three got Churros. They were super fresh, we literally watched them being made, and really good. Then we walked up the hill. From the top of Primrose you can see a view of most of London. It was very impressive. Apparently (if you don't mind getting up really early and hopping the fence because the park is not open yet) that is a really nice place to watch the sunrise. I believe it. It would be really cool to see the sun rise over London.

Today is another not-much-going-on day. I'm planing on going swing dancing tonight so I don't want to spend all day walking around. It's just as well though because this is a heavy class week. I'm using the afternoon to get a little ahead with the reading and to write a short paper we have due on Wednesday. Now that I mention it, I suppose I should get to it. This blog has probably distracted me from working long enough.

And, of course, I have more pictures you can look at if you want.

London is Full of Nutters!

2010-05-21T04:53:00.000-06:00

Let's see, the last time I posted was Tuesday afternoon, right? Tuesday evening we went as a class to South Bank for a backstage tour of The National Theater. It was really neat to see, especially since we will be seeing a play there as a class. At The National every evening thy have live music in the lobby for about an hour before the evening shows start. When we finished our tour the band was on so I sat and listened for a bit. When I turned around everyone in my class had vanished so I decided to wander around South Bank for a while by myself.

When the sun started to set, I made my way back home. I didn't really want to be wandering around London by myself at night. I decided to take a bus back rather than the tube. You get to see more that way. It took a while to find the proper bus stop, but when I did, did I ever get a treat. I was entertained until my bus came by the most amusing crazy man I've ever seen.

First thing he did was set down the 3 grocery bags he was carrying and then lay down on his back on the sidewalk. A few minutes later he rolled over on his stomach and yelled at a man standing a ways off "Why are you standing over there?" then, as some people walked around him he half mumbled "I'm about to be trod on there." So far he didn't seem too crazy. Next he walked out into the middle of the road, spread his arms and addressed God, I presume, and said "I'm accepted you gift!" then mumbled as he came back to the sidewalk, "but I don't know why you've given it to me."

He continued to mutter to himself for a while in a very amusing manner until a bus came by. He tried to get on and wasn't allowed for some reason. That set him off! "I don't want to ride your bus! Why would I want to get on your bus. London is full of Nutters! That's why I keep going back there." It was all I could do to keep from laughing at him. Unfortunately I didn't get a picture. I didn't dare; not sure what reaction I would have spurned.

Taking the bus back rather than the tube was really neat. The bus I was on went through Trafalgar Square and Piccadilly Circus and Hyde Park Corner. It was really neat to see a big chunk of London, albeit briefly, without walking for ages.

Wednesday

Wednesday after class we all took the tube to Kilburn to see a play at The Tricycle Theater:

The play was Twelfth Night. The theater is quite small and intimate. There was a lot of interplay between the audience and the actors. At one point they actually passed a couple pizzas around to the crowd. It was a spectacular performance!

After the play a handful of us decided to just jump on a bus and see where we ended up. The bus we chose happened to go by Abbey Road, so when I saw the cross walk we all decided to disembark and do the Beatles thing.

Unfortunately it was basically rush hour and we had no plan of action so the picture isn't great. I think we'll try to go back sometime early in the morning and get better pictures.

When we were done with Abbey Road we got back on the bus and headed more into town. We ended up at Trafalgar Square. From there we wandered back to The National Theater to see if we could get tickets to Habit of Art, a play for which we saw the set during our tour. They were sold out, but Cameron and I decided to go see Women Beware Women there instead. We sat around drinking wine and listening to the band until our show started.

Women Beware Women was another really well done play. I didn't love it as much as Twelfth Night, but it was still quite good. We were in the Olivier theater, which is the biggest theater at the National. As such there was not really any way to have the audience interplay like at the Tricycle. Plus Women Beware Women is a really dark tragedy so... it was basically the opposite of the play we saw in the afternoon.

Thursday

Which was yesterday, I forgot my camera. Much sadness. I went with a few people to The Tate Modern. That was spectacular. They have a really cool looking exhibition starting in June, so I will be going back. I can take all the pictures that I missed yesterday then. Some of the highlights: They had a full size marble statue of Rodin's The Kiss, several Picassos, a few Pollocks. I love modern art.

After the museum, we went across the river to St Paul's, but didn't want to pay to go in. They run tours and we missed the last one. We wanted to take the tour and didn't really want to pay 10£ twice. After that we walked down Fleet Street (I wanted to stop somewhere and get meat pies, but no one I was with got it). Finally we came back to the college around 5, quite exhausted from walking around all day.

Last night I went out with a group of people to a pub (or maybe I should call it a club, or a bar, I don't know. It looked like a pub to me, so I'm calling it a pub). There was a live band that covered a bunch of good rock songs. We danced and drank and had a generally great time. At about 1:30 we stumbled back to the dorms.

Today I'm really not doing anything. This afternoon I'm going to go out into the park and find a nice place to read. I am here for class, after all, so homework stuff must be done.

Even though I didn't have my camera yesterday, I still have a quite a few more pictures you can see. Go here to see them

Greetings from London

2010-05-18T08:06:00.000-06:00

Well, here I am! And, of course, I have been here since Saturday. I have been keeping myself so incredibly busy. I haven't had time to write more than a crude list of everything I've done in my journal. I don't know if this post will be any better. I'll just tell you what I've been up to.

Saturday
I arrived at Heathrow around 8:15 local time. Our plane sat for an hour (after it we were all loaded on) at the gate before we were able to leave JFK so I was stuck on the plane an hour longer than expected. It wasn't so bad though: I was sitting next to a very attractive British man who was also very friendly. Unfortunately I didn't manage to get his name (or any contact information). There were about 12 of my fellow classmates on my same flight so we all made our way to Regent's College from the airport. We got a group rate for the Heathrow Express into town and from there half of us (the smart half, that didn't include me) took a taxi to Regent's. The other half took the tube.

This is where I'm staying. Regent's College is right in the middle of the park. This is a view from just inside the gate. It's in the middle of London, but also in the park so it's super peaceful. Just outside the gate, in the actual park itself, there are a million birds and flowers and gardens. It's absolutely lovely. This picture was taken right outside the gate:

So... Saturday afternoon we had orientation. Afterwards I went out with my roommate, Andrea, and another classmate, Andrew, to Angel in the Fields. When you think of a typical English Pub, what do you think of? Does it look like this:

That is an actual photo of Angel in the Fields. It's was a perfect English Pub and it's only about a 10 minute walk from where I'm staying. We had a couple pints and then wandered around to find some dinner.

By the time we finished eating and stumbled back to the college, I had been awake for close to 36 hours, except for the few uncomfortable hours I managed to sleep on the plane. Between that and the beer, plus wine we had with dinner, I easily fell right to sleep almost as soon as I returned to my room.

Sunday
I woke up very naturally at around 6:30 in the morning. I would have probably liked to sleep a little more (both my roommates and several classmates slept until at least 11:00) but I couldn't really get back to sleep. Plus I am in feeking London! I was excited to explore. I took a shower first then set off by myself to explore my surroundings a little. I went into the Inner Circle of the park and had a look at some of the gardens. They are stunning! After that I wandered up Baker street for a little way then made my way back to the college.

By the time I returned, more of my classmates were awake. I went to the Refectory (English for Cafeteria) with my two roommates to get some lunch to take-away (take-out). We then proceeded to walk through the park to Camden Town. We walked up and down Camden High Street and through Camden Market and Camden Lock Market. All three of those things are mind-blowing awesome. All three of them together are amazing to the point of over-kill. By the time we exited Camden Lock Market and started back down Camden High Street, we were totally burned out. Camden High Street is a busy little shopping mecca. It's also the place where all the punks and goths and "alternative" sort of sub-cultures come together so just people watching is fascinating. The shops are all kind of punky-goth with a smattering of cheap touristy stuff and discount everything. It kind of reminded me of China-Town in NYC. Plus, all the buildings have these great facades:

The markets are even more interesting. Camden Market was mostly clothing. You walk into this... it's like a tent city or something. In about one square block (except it may have been much bigger... every time I thought it was ending there was another row shooting off somewhere) crammed full of booths (for lack of a better word) where people are selling things. Mostly clothes, as I said, but there were also some shoes and a little jewelry and accessories.

Camden Lock Market was a little more spread out and possibly not as big. There they also had lots of food vendors. Everything smelled delicious and as we walked down the row people were handing us samples left and right. We probably should have just walked through there for lunch instead of getting something at the Refectory. Camden Lock Market had more jewelry and accessories than Camden Market. I absolutely intend to go back (probably near the end of my trip so I don't have to worry about saving money for the rest of my trip) later. I'll probably just do Camden Lock though - I found it much more interesting personally.

As I said, we were kind of burned out by the time we finished with Camden. Plus it was starting to rain. We walked back in a downpour. I spent the rest of the day taking it easy and reading for class.

Monday
We had our first class in the morning. It looks to be very interesting and somewhat informal. We've started our discussion with Twelfth Night, which we are going to see tomorrow. It looks like the course will be a combination of literature and London history. I think that's pretty fantastic! It's nice to know things about the city as I'm going about.

After lunch quite a large group of us went to the Sherlock Holmes Museum, just across the street from the park. Then we all took the tube to Kings Cross to be super Harry Potter Nerds:

We thought maybe if we all pushed hard enough we would get through.

From there half the group stayed to wander around... there was some talk of a Charles Dickens museum. I went back with the other half for lunch then we headed to South Kensington and the Victoria and Albert Museum. That was extremely interesting, but we were only there for about 2 hours before it closed. 2 hours is not enough time to see the V&A. We did see quite a few very neat things though.

When the museum guards kicked us out we jumped back on the tube and took it one stop to Knightsbridge where we ate supper at Pizza on the Park. English Pizza is quite different. Three of the menu items (read: pizzas) had egg listed as a topping. Egg on pizza is not a happy combination. When we finished, the people I was with left for the LDS church for Family Home Evening. I didn't have much desire to join them. I decided to walk back to Regent's through Hyde park (just along the edge, I wouldn't call it seeing the park at all) bast Wellington Arch

and The Marble Arch. It was a lovely stroll, but by the time I got back to my room my legs were about to fall off. I spent the rest of the evening reading and talking to classmates.

Today I haven't really done much at all. We had class this morning. Since then I've been lazing about in my room. Writing this, researching things to do, uploading photos, that sort of thing. I bought my bus ticket to Cardiff. I think I'm now finished with my computery stuff so I might go out into the park and read or write a little.

I'm wondering if I should try to blog every day. Mostly for my own benefit. It's nice to have a record of my day when it's still fresh in my head. Plus I'm doing so much that just a few days is... how long is this post? I haven't even really gone into any detail. That said, I really haven't had a lot of time to blog. I suppose it wouldn't take so long if I wasn't doing days at a time. I don't know. I guess we'll see.

I have a lot more pictures than I posted here. You can look at them Here.

Have You Got Anyone Named Alonso?

2010-05-13T19:30:00.002-06:00

I'm jumping on a plane in a few hours and I'm about to shut off my computer and put in in my carry-on. So, this is the last time I'll be posting from the states for a while *grin*.

So, in the words of The Doctor:

Allons-Y

Shiny Shiny Blue-ness

2010-05-09T22:16:00.008-06:00

Look! My blog is all pretty and new looking. I decided I should blog in blue. I had to keep the background dark because I've been posting forever in exciting and varied colors. I think it's nice to be able to read the archive. There are a lot of inanities I've thrown out into the void that you might find totally fascinating. If you were really bored. And creepy obsessed. I've been blogging since 2005! Isn't that nuts?

Anyway, enjoy the blue!

I'm busy busy busy getting ready to head off to London! I'm so incredibly excited. I promise I will update this blog at least once a week while I'm there. It's how my parents plan to keep track of what I'm up to, so if I don't keep things updated they will probably assume I'm dead. As much as that sounds like a great prank, I actually like my parents and don't really want to put them through that.

Speaking of parents:

Happy Mother's Day, Mom!

ROAR (It's Totally a Thing)

2010-05-06T17:02:00.003-06:00

It should be no secret to you that I am not the biggest fan of text messaging. I've mentioned it here once or twice and even gave it up for a while in protest. Granted that was a long time ago and I do use text messaging fairly often. I've begrudgingly come around to the technology. I blame Job o' Death. I spent so much time menially talking on the phone then that the very thought of a telephonic conversation made me gag. Not really. Still, I didn't love phones for a long time after getting out of that disaster.

Anyway, I don't really mind text messaging anymore. Notice how I am not saying "texting" that word still makes me cringe. TEXT IS NOT A VERB PEOPLE!!!!! Yes, that did warrant full capitalization. "Texting" and phases like "Do you text?" are such horrendous bastardizations of the English language (which is enough of a bastard already) they make me want to lock the speaker/writer (Gods! it's worse if they write it! Writing, at least, calls for proper usage of language. I can forgive a slip of the tongue, but you can do better if you're writing) in a steel box full of rabid, sharp-toothed, squirrels!

Deep breath.

That rantage aside, I will come to my point. I accept text messaging. I use it. I still don't love it and feel like there are some conversations that should not happen via text. Small talk, as I have mentioned before, should not be done with text messaging. Important "deep conversations" should not be done with text messaging. Emoticons should never ever be in a text message unaccompanied by actual text (rare... rare exceptions may apply). Nor should they come at the end of every message you ever send :). It's really annoying :). Almost as annoying as ending every statement with "lol" :). In fact, "lol" should probably never ever enter your text message/IM/internet commenting vocabulary... lol :).

Silly, joking, insubstantial but still fun banter is ok as text messaging. It can be kind of fun that way, plus you can then have record of the conversation so you can say to friends (when you are hanging out with real people), "Look how clever and witty I am!" Text messages are also ok for: Arranging to meet up (especially if an exchange of address is required), conveying quick info (running late; can't find the cheese; zombies on 4th and main! Run!), getting information to several people at once (NOT spamming, that's different and totally unacceptable).

Sigh of a ninja. I feel better now. That rant has been building up for quite some time. I'm glad I got it off my chest.

In other news, I leave for London in one week and 15 hours!

I think I'm going to give my blog a makeover before I go. Be excited.

Crazy Little Thing Called Love

2010-04-18T21:27:00.006-06:00

I promised I would post something about my love life and guess what! I'm actually keeping that promise. I'm not going to tell you any juicy details of what is currently going on though. That has potential to be extremely dangerous. I have a great story for you though. Fasten your seat-belts:

Once upon a time I created a profile on a certain dating site. I didn't really expect to meet anyone worth dating, but it seemed like it might be fun. Plus browsing through the profiles provided much entertainment. Then, one day, I received a message from someone... let's pretend his name is Vince*.... I looked at his profile and discovered that we had tons in common. So I wrote back. After e-mailing back and forth for a while, we arranged to meet. It went well, so more meetings were set up.

We ended up dating for a while, not really seriously. I was wary of him being an internet person and we were both a little hesitant to get super involved with a total stranger. I was being really smart about this, people! I SWEAR THERE WERE NO WARNING SIGNS THAT HE WAS BATSHIT INSANE! And he was. This part, where the dating stops, is where the story gets good.

The last time I saw him, we went out to a thing with a couple who lives in Magna. We met up with them at their house and Vince left his car there while we all went off on evening adventures. It was a fun night, things were great, until the end when we said "goodnight" and Vince drove me home. The entire drive (at least a good 40 min, for those of you not familiar with Salt Lake geography) he didn't say more than 3 words to me. The entire drive was either me monologuing or awkward silence.

Of course I asked him several times if something was wrong, why he was being so quiet etc. but never got an answer more than a shrug. I told him flat out that his strange silence was making me nervous. When we finally reached our destination, he walked me to the door, said "it was fun," gave me a quick kiss and walked off. I was baffled.

I decided he was being an idiot. If something was bothering him he had plenty of opportunity to tell me what it was. If he wanted to be pissy and passive-aggressive about something (I couldn't figure out what might have gone wrong) there was nothing I could do about it. However, there's no way I was going to play that game so I decided he could call me when he decided to grow up. I didn't hear from him for 3-4 days so I sent him a couple text messages (he worked at a call center so didn't like phone calls much). They were casual, normal, not-acknowledging-his-immature-antics conversation starters that gave him a way to not be an ass but also

avoid whatever he didn't want to talk about.

He didn't respond. I don't do well with stupid games. I gave him all the attention I could spare for his little tantrum. I figured he could talk to me when he was over it and I would give him a chance to explain himself. He would, of course, need to have a very good explanation.

Three weeks later he contacted me on facebook chat. Yes, facebook. Yes, chat. He was all casual conversation about it too until I called him out on the long silence. He said he hadn't talked to me because he "just didn't have anything to say." In case you're confused, that does not in any way qualify as a good explanation. I ended the conversation soon thereafter because I had better things to do. I may have made a slightly snarky comment about talking to him later if he decided to not disappear again.

I didn't hear from him for about two weeks. Then I got the following message (on facebook again) from him:

I'm sitting here drinking Lev. Thinking about you and absolutely stewing. You make me crazy. I thought it was pills making me paranoid. I liked you, but you were just playing games. I think I'll go vomit now.

That is the exact message. Copied and pasted. I was more than a little shocked. And confused. And angry that he accused me of playing games when he was the one behaving like a 14 year old girl with the social skills of a rutabaga.

I couldn't decide whether it was even worth it to respond - I desperately wanted to defend myself, but he so obviously belonged in a padded cell and Mommy always told me not to talk to crazy people. So the next day I told some friends about it, in order to get a second opinion. They insisted on seeing the actual message and when I showed them we discovered that he had "un-friended" me on facebook.

So I figured the whole ordeal was over. It wasn't worth my time responding to the odd, apparently drug induced (when we were seeing each other there was no mention of drugs, recreational or otherwise) rantings of a strange, strange, person.

Four days latter I got a text message from him. This is, verbatim, the conversation we had:

Vince: hey

Me: I thought I made you vomit

Vince: haha, well ok then. Thanks for removing any doubts i had

Me: Oh, so after your bizzare and, frankly, insulting note and passive aggressive behavior I'm supposed to be ecstatic that you deemed me worthy of a monosyllabic text message greeting?

Vince: Nope you're not suppose to be anything. Stay golden

That's the last I heard from him. The End

*his name is not Vince. Though maybe I should post his real name, and pictures, as a warning to anyone who might read this and happen to be involved with him somehow.

This, That and the Other

2010-04-16T12:03:00.003-06:00

Gosh it's been a while. I'm not going to make any excuses for why I haven't posted in a long time. You've heard them all before. Besides, it's my blog, I can not write if I want to. At this rate though 2010 will be my slowest blogging year ever. Maybe I need another Job O' Death so I have nothing to do all day at work but write useless stuff for the interwebs.

I'd rather not.

I plan to post a lot when I'm in London, at least once a week. There will probably be pictures. I'm really excited for that trip. I've been doing a little research about possible weekend (or maybe just day) trips to other towns in the UK. I'm definitely going to visit Cardiff (they have a Doctor Who museum thingy - squee!) and Liverpool (Beatles! double squee). If I have time I might hop over to Ireland and kiss the Blarney Stone or something. Even if I don't get to spend a lot of time traveling all over the UK, it's going to be a great trip! I'm so excited. I have a meeting (orientation thing) on Tuesday where I will probably find out a lot more about what we're doing officially with the program. I just might update with more details.

Classes are winding down now. I haven't really mentioned my classes for this semester. I don't really want to get into it now, except to say that they have all been really good classes. I've had fun and I've learned stuff. What more can you ask for?

That's really all I feel like saying right now. My love life has recently been kind of interesting, but I think that may be a whole different post. I promise I won't just be a tease about this. The post will happen. Soon.

But for now, I'm off to do something awesome!

Tally Ho Etc

2010-03-05T15:34:00.003-07:00

A few posts back (if you click on the link, it's the second half of the post) I mentioned the summer London program at school. Well, this is just a quick update on that. I totally got accepted! There's still one potential obstacle, but hopefully it will prove not insurmountable. 5 weeks in London = Much Joy!

Happiness is a Warm Gun (Bang Bang Shoot Shoot)

2010-02-28T00:52:00.002-07:00

I feel like there's been a lot of chatter among my blogging friends about happiness lately. Maybe I should capitalize that... Happiness. Maybe it's a generation thing, but sometimes I feel like there's a dark vein of discontent running through my peer group. So many of us feel like there is something seriously lacking in our lives and without it we really cannot be happy.

I don't understand that.

Ok, I do understand the discontent. I am often very frustrated with the place my path in life has lead me. I could easily say that I was dealt a difficult hand to play. Circumstances, many of which were beyond my control, many of which were not, built up and have left me in a less than ideal situation. I'm honestly not super happy with where I am right now. But I'm working on it. I'm slowly changing my circumstances. I'm discontent and frustrated with things right now, but I'm not unhappy.

I don't really have a feeling that something is lacking. Occasionally I get all lonely and sad about my serious lack of romantic involvement. Who doesn't want love in their life? But I don't have a life without love. My family is wonderful and supportive, and they love me unconditionally. My friends are wonderful and supportive... I don't know if they love me unconditionally, but I do know they love me and are there for me when I need them. The kind of deep, empathetic, personal support you get from a partner, I can find in my friends. Yes, I would like to meet someone special. But my life is no less complete without him.

I guess that's part of my point. How can anyone expect to be content with life if they aren't content with themselves? If your happiness is dependent on something that you feel is lacking, chances are you will never be happy. Once you get that thing you think is missing, you'll find that it doesn't actually fill the hole you think you have. Something will always be "lacking."

I wish I could teach people to be independently whole. What I mean is, I wish people could understand that they are not actually "lacking" anything. There is nothing "lacking" in their life. Whatever it is they need to find Happiness, they already have. Happiness cannot be rooted in materiality, it cannot be external. There is nothing you need to be happy more than the decision to be happy.

Yes, Happiness can absolutely be as simple as a decision. Except I shouldn't say that it's necessarily simple. To be happy, you have to really truly decide to be happy and that's so much harder to do than it sounds. I think anyone can do it though.

And for the love of Baby Dinosaur Jesus, don't just sit around and complain. If there is something in your life that you can't stand, change it. I'm not saying it will be easy, but if you really want to get rid of the crap that is making you miserable, you can do it. All it takes is a little determination and a little work. Ok... maybe a lot of determination and a lot of work.

But that is just the big picture. The big picture is important, but it is absolutely not everything. There is so much joy to be found in little things; tiny, fleeting moments that are gone before you even notice. But in those moments you can find such incredibly potent joy that.... All you have to do is be open to it. Let the beauty of life find you. Soon these moments build up and compound and grow.

Anyone who can say "I haven't been happy since ______" is doing it wrong. Anyone can be happy, really truly Happy. It just takes the right mind set. Stop dwelling on what's bad. Notice what is beautiful and good. I have never gone a day without finding something to smile about. Even if it's something really stupid and small.

I don't think I've really said everything right. It's 1:30 in the a.m. and I should really be sleeping. I just had all these thoughts going through my head (prompted, no doubt, by my catching up on the blogs I've failed to read for a while) about... well about what I've been blogging about up there. Sorry if it doesn't really make sense. I'm not going back to proof-read or edit or anything. But I am going to leave you with two bits of awesome that are kind of related to what I'm talking about:

Jeremy's post about what it means to be a true optimist.

If you're having a hard time trying to find something to smile about try one of these: 1,000 awesome things.

The World Smiles With You

2010-02-23T16:02:00.003-07:00

As I was walking home from the bus stop a few minutes ago, a remarkable thing happened. I smiled at a stranger. That in itself is not remarkable. I try to always smile at strangers when I pass them in the street. Moreover I always try to give them a good and genuine smile. I do this because I have had a few really terrible days made better by a genuine smile from a passing stranger. I like to think I might be able to make someone else's gloomy day better.

This stranger didn't exactly smile back. They don't always. He did nod, and was not unfriendly. But after he passed, I found I could not stop smiling. My face was stuck in a broad, ear to ear, expression of joy.

The really odd thing about it is that today has not been the best of days. I really didn't get enough sleep last night. Class was not particularly exciting. It wasn't terrible, but it wasn't great. I don't have anything to look forward to tonight except work. In my state of fatigue from not sleeping last night, I'm not really looking forward to work. There is nothing really spectacular in my life that has happened lately.

I was smiling for no reason. When I realized I had no reason to smile, that just made me smile more. It made my teeth cold. I almost laughed. I was experiencing pure joy just to the sake of joy. It was amazing.

As I walked along, I noticed that I felt a bit lighter. My steps were more lively. The sun felt warmer and the air felt fresher. Just the simple contraction of a few facial muscles had such a profound effect on my mood and my day.

I hope when I get old, the most prominent lines on my face are those caused by smiling.

Checkin' In

2010-02-16T12:18:00.004-07:00

After a long absence from the bloggosphere, I've decided that today conditions are perfect for a triumphant return. I'm playing hooky from school today because my brain is all clogged up with mucus and I can't breathe. I have a terrible cold. It started Friday in my chest and has expanded up into my head. I've spent the last two days sitting around in misery doing more or less nothing. I was hoping I would feel well enough today to go to class, but I got to the end of the driveway (on my way to the bus stop) and felt like I was going to pass out. So I turned around and went back home.

These conditions are perfect for blogging because a I'm super bored, b my brain functions are under the influence of awful cold virus which makes for some really interesting ramblings, c it's been a long-ass time since I blogged. (he he he long ass-time....this will make sense of it all)

When was the last time I wrote anyway? Damn! January 11th. That means I totally missed ULX, the start of classes, a revelation about my personal relationship to the whole dating thing, London excitement, and various other random bits of fun that I'm sure would have made an awesome blog. Sorry guys. I'll try to be more responsible with my updates.

Funny thing: a lot of the blogs I follow have been just as slack-tastic lately about updating. But in the last week or two they've also brought out their typing fingers and jumped back on the wagon.

I guess I'll start out with catching you up on all the stuff I just mentioned. Starting with ULX. Since I have posted about it in years past I'm not going to go into what it is here. Funny enough, I was just recovering from a cold when it rolled around this year. So I skipped out on the Friday dances and just rested with the hope that I could rally for Saturday and Sunday. My method worked. I wasn't able to do too much fast dancing, but I got in my fair share.

Highlight of the weekend: I totally danced with The Doctor. Ok, so he wasn't the real Doctor, nor was he David Tennant. This kid was dressed exactly like The Doctor though, even had the long coat. I found out later (because I had to talk to him... he's The Doctor) that he had it custom made for him. So, yes, the doctor look was totally intentional. Bonus: he is a great dancer. I was geeking out the entire weekend. He indulged my geekery, as did all my friends. Wasn't that nice of them?

I really wish I could go to more exchanges and lindy events. There are so many great opportunities for great dancing, most of the outside of Utah so you get the added bonus of great opportunities to travel and see new places. *sigh* Maybe some day I'll be able to run around the country dancing with fabulous people. In the mean time, there are a handful of fabulous dancers here, and I can be quite content dancing with them.

Speaking of travel... I might go to London this summer for a study abroad thing. Every year the English Department at the U does a summer trip to London. It's 6 credits for 5 weeks in Freaking London. Every year's trip has a special theme - for example, a few years ago, they did a London underground/ghost story sort of theme. They read Doyle and Poe and such and visited places those authors wrote and the setting for many of the stories. This year the theme is Early Modern Performance and Post-Modern Spectacle. That means pretty much Elizabeathan Theater (read Shakespeare!), and then how the city itself acts as a sort of "performer" and is a spectacle itself. But more important... Shakespeare!

I honestly didn't think there was any way I could possibly go on this trip. It's not exactly cheap, and 5 weeks would (will) be difficult to take off work. I didn't want to ask my parent's to pay for it. They've been hit hard by the shitty economy (who hasn't) and I certainly can't afford to send myself. About 2 weeks before the application was due, I mentioned it to my Mom. I brought it up just as something interesting, not as something I expected her to do anything about. When I finished telling her about it, she pretty much told me I should apply. They will find a way to pay for it. I guess these once in a lifetime opportunities should really be taken advantage of.

So anyway, I applied and am now waiting to hear if I got accepted into the program. Cross your fingers for me! There are a handful of things that could still pop up and stop me from going, but hopefully they can be worked around. I'm kind of afraid to get too excited about it until I know for certain I can actually go. It's hard though because, well, London!

My finger nail just broke. I'm going to go take a break now. I'll be back though, just like Arnold. Maybe even later today. Wouldn't that be fun? Two blog posts in one day! It shouldn't be possible! Oh, but I assure you, it is.

Fembot Attack!

2010-01-11T14:25:00.002-07:00

Consider the following bit of dialog:

Me: I worked as a waiter for a while.

Someone else: Don't you mean waitress?

No, actually, I do mean waiter. I also mean actor, not actress, when I talk about the merits (or demerits) of Rachel McAdams or Merill Streep. And I'll be damned if I'm going to bother with "he/she" in any kind of paper or essay when "he" suffices quite brilliantly.

There's a small feminist voice in the corner of the room now raving and stamping her feet. She's going on about patriarchal language and how it's keeping the WOman down. By using the masculine form of a word to mean either sex, I'm valuing the masculine over the feminine. I'm not only playing into the oppression inherent in the system, I am making it worse. How can I call myself a forward thinking woman and make such linguistic choices.

I'll tell you.

The way I see it, using the masculine version of a term is actually a kind of linguistic castration. Using "waiter" to mean both men and women who wait tables makes the term a-sexual. Once that is done, there still exists a term for a woman, but no separate term for a man. It basically cuts off man's linguistic phallus and renders him without sex. Eat that Sigmund Freud!

Moreover, because there still exists a feminine term once we de-sexualize the masculine term, we solve the problem of woman being defined by what she doesn't have. Suddenly woman is not that-which-lacks-a-penis, she has her own term and her own section of language that man is not privilege to.

And that's all I have to say about that.

2009: Year in Review

2010-01-07T13:13:00.005-07:00

Ah, the best laid plans of mice and men! I had great intentions to bring you a great blog post looking back at the decade. I also meant to get to this post earlier. It's my traditional look back a the year that is best done on New Year's Day or close to. Well, it's almost a week later and I'm just now getting to it.

I guess I just haven't been motivated to blog.

Anyway, 2009 was not my favorite year. Like anything, it wasn't all bad nor all good. I do feel like this year the bad may have outweighed the good. But I may change my mind. Let's look at the good, the bad, the ugly and the pretty of 2009, shall we?

The Bad (I like to start with the negative and then end on a high note):

I moved back in with my parents. Yes, I did it for good reasons, and it's not really a bad place to be. Still, it feels like a complete step backwards.

Rather than completely getting out of debt and saving money, I ran out of money and then some. That's a big part of why I'm back with my parents. I'd like to blame it on the lack of available hours at work or any number of other things. Don't worry, as a human being, I've very good at deflecting blame away from myself. Ultimately there are a lot of things I could have done differently. I'm working on improving the situation, but I'm so broke right now it's not even funny. And I've been that way for a good chunk of the year.

I'm still subbing. I need a merit job at one library. This one is really not my fault.

I had to kill my kitty. She was old an sick, and it was the humane thing to do. But she was my baby. That was a very, very sad day.

My social life kind of fell apart. I think between being broke (which really limits my ability to go out and do things with people) and being busy with school, I managed to neglect some very important friendships. It's kind of hard to put my finger on it exactly. I just feel somewhat dissatisfied with the way things have gone with some of my friends.

The Ugly:

The Pretty:

The Good:

Obama was elected. Sure, this isn't particularly personal, but I think it's a great thing. Granted, he hasn't fixed everything, in fact, he hasn't really fixed much at all. I'm still optimistic about his presidency.

I got my head back in the game as far as school goes. Last semester, going full time, I actually did quite well. I feel a new confidence about school. More than that, graduation is in sight! That's a little scary, but also a lot awesome.

This March marked the 5 year aniversary of my Wegener's being in full remission. I wanted to have a big celebratory party, but didn't. I don't see why I can't do it any time. Even without a party, 5 years is nothing to sneeze at. Here's hoping I can go another 5!

I learned to tango

Seattle. MLS Cup Game. Real Salt Lake. 'nough said.

So I guess they're really about even. Maybe 2009 was just disappointing because I expected a lot of it. 2008 was pretty fab, and I wanted the trend to continue. Let's take a look at the goals (not resolutions) I had for the year:

Things to do in 2009:
1. Get a merit position at one of the libraries
2. Get back into hardcore biking shape, and stay there!
3. Improve my lindy. I'd like to get to the point where I feel comfortable seriously entering a contest.
4. Put my monies in order enough that I can afford a place by myself
5. Write regularly and often. Not blog writing or journal writing but Writing writing.
6. Get swing club running and fabulous.

Things to NOT do in 2009:
1. Drink soda
2. Date douchewads (it was a good goal)
3. Go on a mass murdering tour de world (also a good goal, might as well carry it over)
4. Fail at school

Well, the things I meant to do, I didn't really get done. I didn't get a merit position (there haven't been any to get). I totally dropped the ball on biking. The biggest ride I did was 60-some-odd miles. For most people, that wouldn't be too bad, but compared to the epic rides I've done in the past, it's pretty pathetic. I think my lindy has improved, and in August I did enter a Jack and Jill contest. I didn't do very well, but I was way out of my league. I feel pretty good about that one. My monies are far from in order. I haven't written much at all. I did write some for my poetry class, but found it so completely un-inspiring that I hardly did any writing besides assignments. More than that, I didn't blog much or write in my journal. Swing club is... somewhat improved. I have my frustrations about it. There's still a lot that could be done, but I haven't really had the time to do much with it.

I did much better with the things I wanted to Not do. I didn't completely give up soda, but I cut back a lot. I didn't date any douchewads. Of course, I didn't really date anyone at all. I think maybe I should work on that. I didn't murder anyone. I didn't fail at school. So... not bad on that front.

All in all, I guess last year wasn't bad. Nor was it great. It was just a year. Really, what more can you expect? Not every year can be fabulous and at least it wasn't terrible. Maybe it had to be mediocre so that 2010 can be really neat by comparison.

The only thing left for me to do with this post is to set new goals (still not resolutions, because no one ever keeps their resolutions) for this year. Sort of an unofficial goal, I think, will be to actually try to accomplish my goals. I think last year I sort of considered just setting the goals as good enough. I didn't really make a huge effort to keep any of them. This year I want to actually take these seriously and get things done.

Things to DO in 2010:
1. Train for and ride the ULCER
2. Pay off my debt and start saving money
3. Get a merit position at one of the libraries (this year it might actually be possible) OR get another job with benefits
4. Strengthen those friendship that are most important to me.
5. Date someone in a somewhat serious sort of way*

Things to NOT DO in 2010:
1. Fail at school
2. Commit vehicular homocide
3. Build a giant lazer and use it to attempt a global takeover.

*I acknowledge that this may be a difficult goal to acheive. I've been single for a long time. I think I'm ready to try the relationship thing again... emotionally anyway. I grant that living at home with debt up to my eyeballs is not an ideal scenario for starting any romantic endeavor. On the other hand, there's never really a perfect time to start a relationship and if I keep waiting for it I'm going to stay single forever. I don't want to go out with someone just for the sake of dating someone. If I'm going to have a relationship, I want it to be worthwile. I'm not going to force anything, but I also don't want to be completely passive about my love life anymore. Why not go out and try to meet someone? I'm just going to change my tactics a little and see what happens.

Joyeaux Noel

2009-12-25T22:10:00.002-07:00

Happy Winter Holiday!

The chaos is, for me and mine anyway, over for another year. We did our usually Christmas thing (for the most part) and it was actually really nice. The weeks leading up to x-mas, including finals, were very stressful and crazy but the last few days have been really nice and relaxed.

After I finally finished finals I rushed to get my x-mas shopping done. As you could probably tell from my last post, that kind of shopping is not my favorite activity in the world. When that was done though, my stress level went from super high to pretty low.

Now the presents are unwrapped, the food has been eaten and Christmas is over for another year. I don't think I've really enjoyed the holiday this much in a long time. I hope it was nice for everyone else too.

I have a couple big end of the year/decade posts planned. Hopefully I'll get those up in the next couple days.

Merry Christmas!

Ten Horrible Things

2009-12-18T14:06:00.003-07:00

I would rather be doing today than Christmas shopping:
1. Listening to country music
2. Getting my wisdom teeth out again
3. Watching all of Adam Sandler's movies
4. Sitting in rush hour traffic
5. Hanging out in a small room full of smokers
6. Debating the literary merits of Twilight
7. Eating raw lemons
8. Dusting a ceiling fan
9. Getting a pap smear
10. Fighting mutant alligators with a pogo stick

End of Things

2009-12-03T16:47:00.001-07:00

I have one week left of school. Life is crazy. Finals may kill me. Blogging is going way on the back burner until it's all over. See you in a week or so!

Thanks

2009-11-26T13:52:00.003-07:00

Seattle Day Two

2009-11-25T17:45:00.010-07:00

Sunday in Seattle started out a little slow. I slept in and when I woke, we had a leisurely breakfast provided by the hotel. Sometime Saturday it occurred to me that the Archie McPhee store was in Seattle and I convinced Dad that we needed to go there. So that's where we headed after breakfast.

I'm not sure most of my readers will understand how freeking awesome this store is. Dave will, but I already geeked out about it to him (read: I gloated that I there). Spend some time on their website though. Now, imagine the store... it has all that stuff plus a bunch of bins of random.

Also, there is bacon:

After Archie McPhee we went to The Experience Music Project and Science Fiction Museum. It's actually two different museums... sort of. They're in the same building, and you just get one ticket for both of them, but they're very separate. The music doesn't really have anything to do with the science fiction. Anyway, that was kind of interesting. the music part had a lot of stuff about the music scene in Seattle, which was interesting. It also had a hall of guitars which showed the evolution of the guitar. The sci-fi museum just had tons of stuff - from books to props in movies to models and Ninja Turtles.

Finally after the museum we headed to Quest Field for the Major League Soccer Cup Game - the whole reason we went to Seattle in the first place. Our little local soccer team - Real Salt Lake - somehow managed rally and make it to this game. RSL was playing LA Galaxy (David Beckham's team). It was such a good game!

If you don't follow soccer, you wont really care if I tell you all about it. If you do follow soccer, you probably watched the game and you know how kick ass it was. All I will say is Real won in sudden death PKs. It was totally intense.

After the game we headed out. We drove all night and arrived back home around noon. It was a really fantastic trip, but I was completely exhausted yesterday and today. And I'm having a hard time keeping straight what day of the week it is.

Here are a couple more pictures for you:

Me at the stadium before the game

proof that we were there

Seattle Day One

2009-11-24T12:26:00.007-07:00

Trip to Seattle = Super freeking awesome! Here's what happened:

We left Friday around 2:00 and, with one hour long delay to check out a weird warning light, drove for the next 12 hours. Dad and I alternated who was driving and who slept. We finally pulled into Seattle around 3 in the morning, pulled into a random parking lot, and we both slept for about 4 hours. The car was not the most comfortable place for sleeping, but we managed.

Around 7 we went to breakfast, and visited out hotel. We couldn't check in until 3, but we got a parking permit so we left the car in their lot and walked down to the water front.

We started at Pike's market- you know, the famous one where they throw the fish around. I kind of failed at taking a picture of the fish flying through the air... but here it's about to happen:

really, anticipation is half the fun, right? Anyway, we walked around the market for a while - there were all sorts o

f little shops and fun things to look at. Then we walked along the water front a little more. We spent a lot of time in odd little touristy shops. At one point we past a little food vendor and decidedthat we really should get some fried clams while we were there. I mean, come on, it's not going to get any fresher than that.

they were delicious!

After chowing down our clams, we wandered up to Pioneer Square to take The Underground Tour. Seattle's streets were originally 8-35 feet lower than they are now. The underground tour takes you down to the original side walks to take a look at historic Seattle streets while the tour guides tell funny stories - mostly about shit and prostitution.

See, when Seattle started out people didn't really understand how tides worked. And they, just like we do now, occasionally had to go to the bathroom. These two factors meant that every day at high tide, downtown Seattle was flooded with salt water and raw sewage. The invention of the Crapper (flush toilet) made things even more fun. When everyone got their crappers, they needed a sewer system to hook them up to. So they built one, out of wood, that worked with gravity. That was fine, except at high tide water would flow back up the sewage pipe, pressure would build up and you can guess what would happen when you tried to flush you crapper.

One day Seattle burned down. All of it. It was a great time to start over and solve problems. City guys said "let's raise everything so it wont get flooded every day." Business guys said "I'm not going to pay for it." So the businesses re-built their shops pretty much the way the were before. The City guys raised all the land they owned... city land... so basically the streets. The streets were now 8-35 feet above the sidewalks. Having customers fall down onto the sidewalk, and having to climb up and down ladders to patronize your shop is kind of bad for business. So business owners raised their sidewalks and all the first floors became basements.

This is a picture of a skylight at a corner of the underground sidewalk. Up on the street it just

looks like decorative mosaic tile in the sidewalk. The original skylights were thick, solid pieces of transparent glass. This caused two major problems. 1 - fat people (or people carrying big loads) would walk over the skylight and fall through. 2 - they were transparent. Crowds would gather beneath them to... um... enjoy the views. Local "seamstresses" found them to be a great way to advertise their wares though. The gentlemen below got a sneak preview of what they were offering. They just wrote their prices on the bottom of their shoes.

After the tour, we wandered back to the hotel to check in. As soon as we got to the room, we both kind of crashed - although Dad only napped for about 15 minutes. He believes in the power napping thing. I slept for a good solid 2 hours. Between driving all night and walking around all day, I was pretty damn tired.

We went to dinner at a local pub, and then I went dancing. Seattle has some great dancers, so I thought I should check them out. Funny enough, I actually knew two of the guys there. One was a kid I met at Lindy on the Rocks this summer. The other guy I met last year at the Utah Lindy Exchange. He was just in town for the game too. I guess Disney is right, it is a small world after all.

I have stuff I have to take care of. I'll finish writing about the trip later today, or possibly tomorrow.

This is Just To Say

2009-11-20T13:08:00.001-07:00

I'm going to Seattle this weekend for the MLS Cup game. (w00t)

I don't know what the WiFi situation is going to be, but I probably wont be blogging until I get back.

Now I have to go finish packing.

And Another Thing...

2009-11-19T18:16:00.003-07:00

I was going to write about shoes today. I can see you rolling your eyes at me, but it was going to be pretty cool. But then I logged into blogger and it told me that Tim had blogged about the new Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy book.

My first thought was: What? Douglas Adams is dead. There's a new Hitchhiker's book? WTF? Why did I not know about this?

My second thought was: I'm going to read Tim's blog.

My third thought (after reading the blog): Dude, I'm putting it on hold right now!

My fourth thought (after going to the library website and putting it on hold): Awww man, 24. That's not nearly as cool. Tim was number 42 in line. I want to be 42. Everyone should automatically be 42 in line for the book, no matter how many people have holds on it already. *sigh* Oh well, at least I'll get it faster this way.

My fifth thought: Hmmm I wonder if I have anything due soon... nope. Good.

My sixth thought: I'm so not going to blog about shoes anymore. Even though it was going to be an awesome post about shoes.

And that pretty much catches you up.

Evolution and Books

2009-11-18T15:09:00.003-07:00

Book people are really reticent to change. The books we read today are REALLY similar to the books that have been around hundreds of years. Ever since people switched from the papyrus scroll to the codex books have looked pretty much the same.

Sure, the shape change a little from square to more rectangular, and the material used to make pages has changed too. Printing technology influenced the look of the writing on the page (illuminated lettering is soooo 14th century). But since about the 4th century people have filled their libraries with these stacks of pages, bound on one side, with stuff written on them.

For a long time book pages were animal skins. The easiest shape to get out of an animal skin is a rectangle. That's why books are shaped the way they are. When paper became the popular material for the page it stayed rectangular because people still wanted their books to look like books. Book people are very reticent to change.

Now we have e-books and e-book readers like the Kindle. The high-tech, computerized, electronic way of doing pretty much everything is catching up to the book world. Book people are reacting pretty much the same way they always have: The Kindle is neat, but in my library, I want the real thing.

I have mixed feelings about this new evolution of the book. I haven't had a lot of experience with e-book readers (but I have tried a few). What I have seen has been pretty cool. I would love to be able to just download all my text books and not have to lug 3 tons of bookage to school every day. When I travel, I always pack at least 4 or 5 books. That can get heavy, and with airline baggage restrictions it can be a problem. With e-books, I could just pack one slim little reader and have my entire library at my fingertips. You never have to worry about setting your book down and loosing your page. You can take notes, and search for terms - navigation is much simpler than frantically flipping through pages.

On the other hand, you lose most of the tactile experience of reading when you use e-books. There's something special about actually turning the page (or being able to flip a head and see how much you have left in a chapter). The feel of paper under your fingers, the book smell, the smudges and wrinkles on the paper from various reading adventures are all part of the reading experience. Plus it's nice to have a bookshelf with a display of stuff you read. It's a great thing to peruse at someone's house. It's an insight into their personality.

I could go back and forth about the benefits of both formats, but I wont. I think change is probably inevitable. Like any change, it will take a while for e-books to be really wide-spread. As for me, I'll embrace the codex, but my library is still going to be full of scrolls.

Naked Music

2009-11-16T23:26:00.002-07:00

I had this song stuck in my head today:I Like You So Much Better When You're Naked by Ida Maria.

A few minutes ago, it occurred to me that it would be awesome if I made a CD (or a playlist, 'cause who really listens to CDs anymore?) of awesome songs that are about Naked.

I could think of three (including the one above) right off the top of my head. These are the other two:

Take Off Your Clothes by Morningwood
Buck Nekkid by ZZ Top

After asking Google and thinking about it a little more I came up with a few more:

Underneath Your Clothes by Shakira
You Can Leave Your Hat On by Joe Cocker... or Tom Jones because Tom Jones = class
Naked by the Spice Girls

And that's pretty much all I could come up with. If you can think of anything that should be added to the list, you should probably share.

This and That

2009-11-15T21:28:00.002-07:00

I think we can safely say that blogging on weekends isn't working out so well for me. Maybe. I guess I did post last weekend, didn't I? Whatever. I don't really have anything to say right now, but I figured... you know... NaBloPoMo and all. I'm not sure I should have tried to do that.

Something kind of fun: our local soccer team is playing in the MLS cup. Next weekend I'm going to drive up to Seattle with my dad to see the game. Should be kind of fun.

Magical Me

2009-11-12T17:27:00.003-07:00

A Fort of One's Own

2009-11-11T20:06:00.003-07:00

I was listening to NPR on my way home from class today. The author Julia Keller was on talking about her book Back Home. The book may be interesting; I will probably never read it. I honestly wasn't paying very close attention except for one point when Keller read part of the book:

"Everybody needs a fort."

She went on to explicate; a fort is someplace we can go when we need to feel safe. When we're little, it is usual literal. It could be a fort or tree-house built in the backyard, or a tent set up in the living room. As we grow up we have tools that create a sort of metaphorical fort. We have our knowledge, our books, our experience, and these things make us feel safe in times of crisis.

This excerpt made me think of A Room of One's Own by Virginia Woolf. It's been a long time since I read that. If I recall correctly, she is basically saying that in order for a woman to write, she has to have her own space in which to do it. A room of her own - a place that is only hers where she can create under only her own influence. (I could be totally off. It's been years, and I may not have been completely paying attention when I read it)

I think these two concepts are very closely related, and I think everybody needs both. Or I do at least. For me, they're kind of the same thing. I always need to have someplace that is just mine; a place that is my sanctuary. In my old apartment and in my parent's house now (and when I was growing up), that place is my bedroom. It's my sacred ground. Here is where I am when I need to escape the world.

When I was living in the dorms and had a roommate, I didn't really have my own space. There were several places around campus, though, where I would go to write or to simply be alone. In that case my fort or my room was more metaphorical, but the feeling I got when I visited those places is the same one I get when I retreat to my room now.

I wonder if this will change when I fall in love and get married. If I'm cohabitating, can I still have a room of my own? It can't be the bedroom. Do I have the right to insist on my own room? Actually, my dream house has a little cottage or shed in the backyard that I will make my "studio." That may be taking it a bit far.

I imagine that when I find myself settled, my room will be the library (yes, any house I live in long term will absolutely have a library. It will have lots of bookshelves, a very comfy chair, possibly a desk, and at least one grand window). This room probably won't really be sacred ground - I would never be able to deny my partner the joy of books. But it would be a place for me to go and escape when I need to. It would be my fort.

Grumble.

2009-11-10T22:43:00.002-07:00

People keep calling me "Ma'm."

That never used to happen.

I guess most gals my age (especially here in UT) are already married and have kids. Thus they qualify for ma'm status.

I don't like being called "Ma'm"

The Zed Word

2009-11-09T21:00:00.003-07:00

If zombies attack, I'm pretty much screwed. Seriously, the three places where I spend the most time (school, work, home) are pretty much terrible places to be in a zombie apocalypse.

School is probably the worst. On a college campus there are lots of students, in other words, lots of potential zombies. Plus in any classroom there's pretty much one entrance/exit and nothing that would make a suitable weapon. If I could get out of the classroom and then out of the building, then what? I'd most likely be in the middle of campus. I don't drive to school, so I would be pretty much stuck there, unless I could find someone with a car who wasn't zombified.

My house is not very fortified. The doors would probably hold for a little while, but we have a huge window that would be a perfect entry point for a shit-ton of undead. I could probably barricade myself in the basement, but zombies could still get through the back door pretty easily. And if I'm stuck downstairs I'm pretty limited on my weapon choices and food (assuming they can't get through the back door and I have to wait them out) - we have a pantry downstairs, but there's not really a lot of food in it.

Work is probably the best of the three. No matter what library I'm at, I'm still at a library. That means there are lots of people around. There are usually several ways to get out (and in, unfortunately) so I could possibly escape out the staff door and maybe make it to my car. I would have a hard time finding weapons, but there are plenty of book-carts and other obstacles that could slow the pursuit.

Yes, I have gotten in the habit of scoping out any setting I find myself in and thinking to myself "What would I do if zombie burst in right now and started chewing on people." It's silly, I know. But it never hurts to be prepared. Not that it will really do me much good - if I survive zombies it will be due to sheer luck.

Lonesome Whipperwill

2009-11-07T15:26:00.002-07:00

Ok. I know yesterday's post was a bit of a cop out. And I didn't post on Thursday. NaBloPoMo may be kicking my ass a little bit.

Today I don't really have anything particular in mind that I would like to talk about, but I promise not to just post a comic. Even if it's a really funny comic. But what, then, shall I write about? Life? The Universe? Everything? It would be pretty hard to write about Everything... it's a rather big topic. What about some other abstraction? Love? Hate? Happiness? Loneliness?

In my poetry writing class (the one I don't like much) we just read a book called Don't Let Me Be Lonely by Claudia Rankine. In this particular piece of literature the loneliness (because Lonely was in the title, so loneliness must come into it somewhere) stemmed from a sort of detatchment from life. The speaker of the poems was often unable to really connect, to fully experience the life she was living. Whether it was from media overload or life-hazing anti-depressant medications.

I've heard from a few friends (ironically all the one's who've told me this were male) that they are tired of being lonely. These guys have been single for a while. They have plenty of friends, but they want a romantic relationship with someone. They will be lonely until that happens.

Is it a social construct, or is it a biological imperative, that we need to be with someone in a committed, romantic, relationship sort of way? When does our quality of life start to be defined by our being (or not) in a relationship?

I think it's silly. I like being single. Plus, I think it's important to be happy with yourself, by yourself before you try being with someone else.

Those are just my rambling thoughts of the day.

Silliness

2009-11-06T23:07:00.003-07:00

Ever wondered why your mom always told not to run with scissors?

The world of webcomics has the answer!

Criminal Trespass

2009-11-04T11:54:00.002-07:00

This is pretty much why I often get frustrated with my dear home state of Utah. The church politics are so often completely absurd. The hypocrisy an intolerance that comes out of my state's dominant religion is incredible. It's so ridiculous that you just have to laugh about it.

The Colbert Report

Mon - Thurs 11:30pm / 10:30c

Nailed 'Em - Mormon Church Trespassing

www.colbertnation.com

Colbert Report Full Episodes

Political Humor

U.S. Speedskating

I am in no way saying that all mormons are hypocritical idiots. Most of them, actually, are absolutely not. It's just "The Church" - the masses of people who run this state with a strong bias toward their personal faith. Individually I'm sure most of these people are fine. I bet most of them are actually able to think logically occasionally too. But the shenanigans that The Curch gets up to in this town are nuts!

And then people here complain about Utah Mormons have a bad reputation for being back-woods, idiot, ultra-conservative, morons. There is a reason for that.

T-Mobile Fail

2009-11-03T19:29:00.002-07:00

I logged on to twitter today for the first time in at least a month. Why? To see all the complaints people were tweeting about T-Mobile, and to add my two cents. It was the same two cents everyone else was adding; T-Mobile sucks.

If you haven't heard already T-Mobile users are suffering from a global outage today. People aren't able to get phone calls and/or use text messaging. Most of the day today I have been able to call people, but apparently no one was able to call me. Text messaging hasn't worked for me at all.

I can get phone calls now, but that's just been in the last 30 min or so.

T-Mobile's official statement is this:

T-Mobile customers may be experiencing service disruptions impacting voice and data. Our rapid response teams have been mobilized to restore service as quickly as possible. We will provide updates as more information is available

Nice and ambiguous. Thanks, T-Mobile. I feel like you're really on the ball.

I have been kind of frustrated with T-Mobile lately anyway. I don't think they have very good customer service and their website is the opposite of user-friendly. I think it's time to get someone else. I still have another year left on my contract. I'll have to look into how much it will cost me to get out of it early. Right now I'm thinking that whatever the cost, it might be worth it.

Oh wait! I just got a text message. Good. I still am done with T-mobile.

What To Read

2009-11-02T20:37:00.008-07:00

If you were going to be exiled to a deserted island and you were allowed to bring 10 books with you, what would they be?

I say deserted and not desert because I like you and I want you to live. But the scenario I'm presenting necessitates solitariness. What books would you want to keep you company? What books could you stand reading over and over again? you're going to be stuck on this island for a while.

For the sake of making it a little harder, I'm going to say that "Complete Works of..." don't count. That's cheating. Ditto anthologies and multi-book volumes (i.e. The Ultimate Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy, which is actually several books). If you want a whole series that might be available as one volume, you may count each book separately. Short story or play collections are ok... but still no "complete works" of any playwright.

This is my list (in no particular order):

Waiting for Godot by Samuel Beckett

Sailing Alone Around the Room by Billy Collins (my favorite volume of poetry ever)

War and Peace by Leo Tolstoy (I haven't actually read it, but if I were stranded, I'd certainly find the time. Plus someone once told me it was good beach reading)

Divisadero by Michael Ondaatje

Collected Shorter Plays of Samuel Beckett (this is ok under my parameters because it's a collection of short, one-act (for the most part) plays; it's like a collection of short stories)

95 Poems by e e cummings

Existentialism and Human Emotions by Jean-Paul Sartre (I'm apparently trying to have an existential crisis on my island. But it's so interesting)

Kafka on the Shore by Haruki Murakami

The Book Thief by Markus Zusak (This is my "light reading" choice... it's a WWII story narrated by Death. I may have issues)

The Tao Te Ching by Lao Tsu

Well, now that I've made that list I'm a little surprised by how not uplifting it is. I'm not going to change any of my choices though. They may be kind of bleak and ponderous, but there are very good reasons I chose each of those books. The writing in each and every one of them is stunningly beautiful. Most of them also really present something worth thinking about. Plus, they're not all entirely humorless. Collins and cummings both can be quite funny, and Beckett's plays are full of (albeit dark) humor.

Now it's your turn, dear readers. What would your 10 desert island books be? Post them in the comments, or on your own blog thingy.

wo bo slo mo no do sho so wo o*

2009-11-01T12:58:00.005-07:00

Well, kids, it's officially November. Halloween, or as I like to call it Super-Awesome-Best-Freeking-Holiday-Ever, is over and we're falling headlong into Christmas season. What happened to Thanksgiving? you ask. I'm afraid I can't say. You'll have to ask the retail universe- they've had Christmas stuff out for weeks already.

I think it's rather absurd myself, but there's not much I can do about it.

Besides the whole holiday thing, something else very special happens in November. This month, people sitting at computers everywhere feed excessive amounts of nonsense to the interwebs. That's right, November is a time for bloggers everywhere to blog. Not just regular, boring, popping into the blogger ballroom for a quick reel once every week or so, oh no, now is the time to post every single day! The internet will be overflowing with useless information and inanities (it's not already? Shhh, don't tell. November is special, dammit!). Since I don't really care to be part of the solution, I am going to be part of the problem!

That's right, as I mentioned a few posts ago, I'm going to try to do NaBloPoMo (NAtional BLOg POsting MOnth) again. So I am going to post every day in November. Aren't you excited? The strange and mundane things in my life are going to make their way into my computer and then out again, through your eyeballs, and into your head. Tune in daily for exciting new installments!

I will say right now that Dad and I are planning on our annual camping trip Thanksgiving weekend, so I wont post those days. It's hard to do internets when you're in the middle of the desert with no electricity/cell reception/wifi. Besides those 2-3 days though I intend to blog every single day. It's going to be challenging, especially since I've really gotten out of the habit of blogging.

* Translation according to Tim: These rhinos are all well and good but I want me some metal dogs.

All The Single Ladies

2009-10-30T21:23:00.004-06:00

This brings me much joy:

Click on the picture. It takes you to a special place.

Conditional Poetics

2009-10-25T16:02:00.004-06:00

I know I have sometimes said that people who post their poems on the internet really bother me. Usually that poetry is not very good and the poet posts it explicitly to gather praise from the internets. What I'm about to do pains me ever so slightly, and may be laden with hypocrisy. I am going to share with you, dear readers, one of my poems.

It's still pretty rough, this is about the third draft. I will not claim that it is any good (I like it a lot, but I'm far from impartial, and it's really fresh, so I'm even less impartial than I might be about another poem). The reason I'm posting it now is because I think it really needs a good title, and I can't think of one.

My dad suggested "Bread Pudding" because the 1970's pop band Bread came out with a (really terrible) song called "If" and the poem is like a pudding, especially bread pudding, because it is melange of material. He also suggested "Blue Universe... O" or something like that.

I've considered calling it something like "Empirical Condition" or "49 Conditions" or something like that. The poem is made of a series of half conditional statements so... that's where I got those titles. I don't like them much though.

Anyway, here is the poem:

if the poetry of science can be found in the stars
if the universe is, at its core, blue
if blue is nothing more than a wave-length
if the stars vibrate with cries of O
if silence (not sound) is the foundation of (English) language
if poetry has the power to teach the erring man
if I whisper secrets into blue clay mugs
if blue becomes onomatopoeic
if the prefix “demi” means one half
if poetry can be empirically dissected
if all possible scientific questions can be answered
if poetry is an experience of imminent revelation
if the (English) language can be picked apart and stripped to essence
if the scar exactly bisects my back
if I change the details (you) to improve the story (us)
if it is possible to write blue poetry
if there are some (many) questions science can’t answer
if we don’t speak over tea
if scar tissue is blue
if scars can be empirically dissected
if I use the blue clay mugs for tea
if poetry and science are at odds with each other
if O is a scar on the (English) language
if the prefix “hemi” means one half
if rocks can resist the sky
if poetry and science cannot be separated
if blue has the power to teach the erring man
if stars are rocks that didn’t resist
if we (I) must obey the (English) language
if blue is a rock on the surface of the universe
if the (English) language once meant something else entirely
if the rock and the sky are each half
if O hangs, silent, in the air between us
if blue always points south
if I write everything down and hide it
if the prefix “semi” means one half
if the story (us) is deeply scarred
if love can be empirically dissected
if paper beats rock
if it becomes possible for the writer to have, like Picasso, a blue period
if O is set aside for later
if one is rock and the other is sky
if the stars are made of blue clay
if every scar clutches a story
if Carolina, Cobalt, Sky, Steel and Midnight are all shades of blue
if O falls off the edge of the universe
if the (English) language can be sculpted in blue clay
if science has the power to teach the erring man
if we (I) throw implication to the wind and use only “if” but never “then”

Please post any ideas you have for a title (or anything else you want to say about the poem) in the comments. Or us whatever other means you have to communicate with me.

Thanks for your help, cyberfriends!

Helter Skelter

2009-10-21T14:36:00.002-06:00

Hi Bloggophites! Did you miss me? I sure missed you.

I don't actually have anything particularly in mind to write about today, but I am taking a break from homework to blog anyway.

I guess because I haven't written in so long, I should really have a lot to say. Shall I tell you about my classes? Ok.

I am finally back in school full time. I moved back in with my parents back in July (not the most awesome thing I've ever done, but it's not really bad) for monetary reasons. Plus, if I don't have to worry about paying rent, I have time to focus on academics. I really just want to get school over and done with at this point. So I'm trying to focus - now that the semester is half-way over I'm kind of getting into the swing of things. I'm taking 4 classes, which doesn't seem like a lot, but their all upper-level and the work load is not insignificant.

My favorite (and hardest) class is a Critical Literary Theory course. The professor is fantastic. The reading is nearly impossible to understand, but once I do get it, it's fascinating. In a few weeks we are applying all the crap we've read (and presumably understood) to such things as Buffy the Vampire Slayer and Battlestar Galactica. If that doesn't make an awesome class, I don't know what does.

I'm also taking another generic English class (Literary History blah blah blah). It's not bad. Not great.

I'm taking Communication and Gender because I thought it looked interesting and wanted to take something that was strictly English. It's an interesting class. I've discovered that Communications is sort of English Lite, so that class is fairly easy. Any of the writing we have to do I can pretty much handle with my eyes closed. The topic is really interesting though, and the discussions we have in class are quite stimulating.

Finally, I taking a Poetry Writing class. This is the great disappointment of my semester. I love writing, as those who know me or have been reading this blog for a while know. I expected this to be my favorite class of the semester. I wanted (and expected) it to be inspiring, to open new levels of creativity and intrigue in my poetry and the way I write in general. As it turns out, the class it strongly mediocre, bordering on blasé. I'm not sure the teacher (who is a grad student, not a professor) had any real sort of plan for the class. Everything seems sort of unorganized and incongruous. Plus she's kind of dippy and has a penchant for wearing mis-matched, neon fabrics plucked right out of the 70s. Tragically, the class has not only NOT inspired me to write much of anything at all, it's almost turning me against poetry. I say almost because there's probably not a force on earth that could really make me stop writing completely. Still, this class is disheartening and uninspiring.

I should really get back to my serious reading for class now. Good talk, bloggates. I'll try to visit you more often. I think I'll try NaBloPoMo again in November. I didn't much like doing it last year because I felt like the quality of my posts declined pretty drastically. This year, though, I don't think they could really be much worse. I might add in the additional goal of posting something of quality every day. If nothing else, maybe it will get me into the habit of blogging more often again. I really love this silly little project, and I hate to think I'm coming close to abandoning it.

Just Testin' Ya

2009-10-02T19:46:00.002-06:00

It's midterm season. This is how I feel about it:

That is all.

Out, Out Brief Candle

2009-09-27T13:08:00.003-06:00

My father's best friend killed himself last night. It was very unexpected, but somehow not very surprising. He had pretty progressive multiple sclerosis and... he was just in really bad shape. In his note he said that he had the right to decide when he died. My dad was probably the last person to see him - he went over last night to watch the football game with him.

The thing is, I completely understand why he did it. With a such a degenerative, incurable disease, there's not much else you can do. When you can no longer control your body, what else can you control? Given a choice of slowly and painfully wasting away to nothing or dying quickly on your own terms, what would you choose? At what point does suicide become the best cure?

This dilemma is one that I have given a good deal of thought. There's a good chance with my Wegener's Granulomatosis I could end up in a similar situation. It's not nearly as bad as MS - there are pretty effective ways to control it and I responded well to the treatments. It's also possible that I will never have a relapse and I will go on living a healthy, normal life. But what if I do have a relapse? What if next time it's much worse and I don't respond to treatment? If my lungs collapse and my kidneys shut down, if WG slowly eats away at my body... at some point quality of life is so low that it's easier on everyone to simply end things.

I'm not saying that I want to kill myself, not by a long shot. But if I've become a burden to those who love me (and I'm not saying my Dad's friend was, but... he was. They were glad to bear that burden, but still), if I can no longer do anything that I like to do, if I am slowly wasting away and the only thing I can still control about my life is how it ends....

I guess my point is that I can really understand why he did it. That actually scares me a little.

My mom is making paella for his widow (oh, wow, she's a Widow... somehow that's harder to wrap my mind around than anything else I've written today). Why does our society meet tragedy with food?

Hilarible

2009-09-23T17:40:00.003-06:00

Hilarible is a term coined by my friend, Spydr. Yes, that is her name... Well, not the one on her birth certificate, but that's what everyone calls her. Hilarible is, in case you couldn't figure it out, a combination of Hilarious and Terrible. I heard a story today that illustrates this principle perfectly:

This guy, we'll call him John (I don't even know his real name... he's a friend of a co-worker's son), asked a girl out, we'll call her Julie. John decides to take Julie to the State Fair for their first date. John and Julie both live in Provo, which is about an hour long drive from the fair grounds in Salt Lake. While John is driving to Salt Lake, his stomach starts to hurt; he's getting gassy. He holds it in because he's in the car this hot girl, and you just don't want to murder your date with noxious butt-fumes. But the pressure is building up to the point that it's painful so he decides to roll down the windows, turn up the radio (so she won't hear it) and just let her rip.

He shartted.

Not much he can do at this point. They're almost to the fair so he just keeps the windows down and hopes that she can't smell it. She can probably smell it, he can smell it, it's bad. After they park, he makes sure she's walking in front of him and just does everything he can to save face.

They go into the Fair and before long they come across a booth selling "Utah State Fair!" sweat suits.

John says, "Oh neat! I'm so excited to see this! When I was little my family used to always buy these sweats and then change into them and wear them around the fair! Let's do that!"

Julie says "Uh, no. I'm not going to wear those."

John buys a set anyway and goes into a port-a-potty to change. He takes off his shirt and puts on the sweat shirt. Then he takes off his pants... they're really bad. He thinks to himself "I don't want to carry these around, that will not work." So he drops his pants and his underwear into the tank. Then he opens the package of sweat-pants.

It's another shirt.

Rather than swallowing his pride and asking Julie to please exchange the shirt for pants, John puts on the sweatshirt like pants. One leg through each arm hole. He pokes his head out and looks around for Julie. She's not nearby so he bolts. He runs through the fair, out to the parking lot and drives away.

That is hilarible. It's so terrible that it's hilarious. Certainly not to John, who suffered pretty major humiliation and should probably fear for his life if he ever runs into Julie again. Or to Julie, who was left stranded in Salt Lake. To an outside party, it's really funny though; it's Hilarible

Whirlwind

2009-08-19T15:11:00.003-06:00

Oh Man! The last two weeks were crazy! It was all pretty fun, but the part of me that likes to sleep at night is still hiding in the corner pouting.

It all started with a trip to Las Vegas with 12 of my friends for Johnny and Arrakis' bachelor/bachelorette party. Typical Vegas shenanigans ensued. If you saw The Hangover it was... entirely not like that. We did drink a lot. But there were no tigers and we knew where everyone else was most of the time.

For the hen party we went to Thunder from Down Under and it was wicked fun! Super-muscles-blonde-dude pulled Arrakis on stage and put her hand down his pants. The whole things was hilarious and sexy and awesome. After the show we went to LAX - we were on the VIP list so we got to go straight in. There were about 200 people waiting (and giving us dirty looks when we got in before them). It made us all feel important. Besides those two highlights, the weekend was spent drinking and playing penny slots, sleeping through the heat of the day (it was about 110 degrees!) and trying to get 13 people on the same page for doing things.

A few days after Vegas was the wedding. Arrakis and Johnny did almost everything themselves. Everyone in the bridal party was asked to help with setup etc. so we kept pretty busy. The wedding itself was lovely. The post-reception party was really fun.

The day after the wedding I slept off all the wine and champagne I drank. That evening I drove through the night to Denver. Why did I go to Denver? I wen for Lindy on the Rocks! It's an awesome event. Three days of workshops and dancing in a city that is NOT here. Unfortunately I was exhausted Friday and Saturday so I didn't really dance a lot. Sunday I was feeling pretty good, so I did get some good dancing in. Unfortunately, we had to leave at 9:30 Sunday night (before the evening/night dance and the after-dance dance-party) because one of the guys I went with had to be at work. So I drove through the night again.

Now my sleep schedule is completely thrown off. Good news is I don't really have anything super crazy going on for a while. School starts next week, but life is kind of slowing down (I hope) so I will hopefully make a full recovery.

Foolish Mouth Noises

2009-08-10T14:05:00.002-06:00

What is the point of talking to someone if you don't actually have something to say? Small talk is fine to fill in spaces if you're actually with a live person (zombies make terrible conversationalists) and you're really uncomfortable with silence. There's also all sorts of filler/greetings that is polite and expected when you start a live conversation (in person or talking on the phone). That's fine. I'm totally comfortable with small talk in certain contexts. But if you go out of your way to start a conversation, purposfully call me or send a text message for a little chat, for the love of egg salad, have a point!

The text message is an interesting medium for this subject. I know I haven't always been a fan of text messaging (my skin still crawls at every occurrence of the word "texting," though I have to concede that it is unaviodably made its way into the vernacular and cannot really be avoided). I do use it a lot. I like it for quick, informative and usefull messages (meet here at such-and-such a time, party at this place, etc.) or just to share something I found amusing with a bunch of friends all at the same time. When I send random nonsense to a bunch of people though, I don't expect them to respond. And I don't respond when I get the same sort of thing. In fact, that sort of thing is probably best reserved for Twitter. Ah, Twitter... that's a rant for another day.

Text messaging is not the proper medium for and actual, in depth, conversation. It is especially not the medium for small talk. It's condensed and restricted language. Its purpose is for us to get quickly to the point without having to go through all the awkward greeting, polite small talk, and build up, that comes in a normal context. It's quick and easy. It's abreviated. You cut to the chase and make your point concisely. It is not a format for superflous chatter - it was constructed to filter that out. To steamline our communication. Don't spam me with drivel - I won't respond. Have something to say and then say it!

The same thing goes for phone conversations, to an extent. Some small talk is to be expected, but don't call me with no further plan than polite greeting exchange ("hello, how are you? I'm lovely.") Even if you just have a super weak excuse to call, like telling me about the amazing fries you had for lunch; that's better than calling for no reason. I will spend hours talking to a person, but when they first call, I assume they actually have something to say so I generally won't digress until I've given them a chance to conduct their business. If you don't have anything to add after the initial hellos, chances are you will be listening to me wait politely for you to say whatever it was you called to say. After that, conversation can flow freely. Hopefully the description of your fries will lead to further conversations about any number of things. But a good phone call needs to have a starting point besides just filler. If you don't have anything to say, don't say it!

By the way, I like Mark Twain:
"It is better to keep your mouth closed and let people think you are a fool than to open it and remove all doubt."

Like Sands Through the Hour Glass

2009-08-02T20:07:00.003-06:00

What is this July you speak of? I suppose there has been some time between June and now... in fact there's a lot that has happened. I just didn't manage to blog anything. I promise I'll try to be better. But August is going to be just as busy, if not more so. Part of the problem last month was that I didn't have internet access at my apartment (long, boring story). I was still online occasionally, but usually it was just for a few minutes and at a time when I was uninspired to write anything here.

So... What happened in July that kept me running about and away from the blogosphere?

I went to a BBQ on the 4th of July. The hosts of said BBQ live close to a park that shoots off fireworks, so we just watched the show from their front yard. When the pyrotechnics started, I found myself on a mattress (brought out for viewing comfort) with this kid I will call Finn (because I asked the internet to give him a pirate name, the name it gave him was Cap'n Finn Cannonballs). We cuddled all through the fireworks and made out a little bit afterward. It was a good time. He got my number when I left.

After that BBQ I went to another friend's house and ended up crashing there on a love sac in the back yard. Also sleeping on the love sac was the friend and his roommate. I was the happy middle of an attractive man sandwich. Sadly neither attractive man has much romantic potential for me.

Shortly after the 4th of July, I went to Lagoon with friends. I also found out that Finn was not going to call me within the standard "3 day rule" time limit thing because his Grandmother just died and he was dealing with funeral and family stuff.

Life went on, I was busy with normal stuff - work, dancing... I took a tango class in July. I now know how to dance Argentine Tango. I am multi-talented! I also came down with a really terrible cold which knocked me out for a full week. I'm still coughing a little, but it's getting better.

Finn never did call. A few weeks went by and I got tired of waiting. After discussing it briefly with our mutual friends, I decided that I didn't like the Finn story and wanted to improve the narrative. So I got his number from those friends and called him.

I moved out of my apartment and back into my parent's house. I'm not thrilled to be back here, but have a long list of good reasons to be, if not happy with the situation, at least content. Moving is a tedious, annoying, energy sapping activity.

Last week I met Finn for coffee on Monday. It went well. Friday we were going to go out, but both of us were kind of exhausted from not sleeping the night before and then working all day. We stayed in and watched a movie. It was very nice and relaxing. I'm kind of getting mixed signals from him actually. I won't go into detail here though. My love life is something that deserves its own post - that is if I want to put it on the internets at all.

Those are the highlights of July. The next few weeks I'm going to be insanely busy. I'm going to Vegas next week for a few days. My friend is getting married the week after that. The day after the wedding I'm going to Colorado for Lindy On the Rocks. After all that things should slow down for a week and then school starts.

So that pretty much gets you up to speed on me. I'm sorry I ignored my blog for more than a month. I'll do better in the future, I promise.

To Be or Not To Be

2009-06-16T11:38:00.002-06:00

I was hanging out with a couple friends a few weeks ago when one of them observed “If I didn’t believe in God, I would probably kill myself.” He went on to ponder how death is the ultimate solution to life’s hardest problems. Without fear of eternal damnation, why not “take arms against a sea of troubles and, by opposing, end them.” It is the most efficient way to completely avoid problems. You certainly don’t have to deal with them if you are dead. Without an after life who cares what messes you leave behind. They ultimately become someone else's problem.

You also miss out on everything that is amazing in life. There are so many wonderful things that happen on a daily basis. Have you ever noticed how incredible life really is? There are so many moments of pure beauty and joy; surely they outweigh the “slings and arrows of life’s outrageous fortune.”

I can’t seem to help but quote Hamlet. I must admit that I have spent a good deal of time considering the famous soliloquy, and I mostly disagree with the Danish Prince. It is not fear of what lies on the other side of death that keeps me from dying. It is a strong attachment to the beauty of life. A few days ago I lay on the floor with a friend of mine laughing until we cried. If I had died the day before, I would have missed this moments of pure, unadulterated, joy.

Every day there is something amazing to experience. There are so many completely exalting experiences to be had. All it takes is a little attention to notice them. Tiny, barely significant things (raindrops caught in rose-petals, warm sand between your toes, a smile from a stranger, the way the wind plays with a skirt) are absolutely worth living for because they happen a million times a day and they add up to create pure beauty.

I then pointed out to my friend that committing suicide is absolutely the most selfish thing you could possibly do. I was considering the effect that something like that has on the people who go on living. I know a girl who’s boyfriend killed himself right after they graduated high school. The emotional trauma he put her through was phenomenal. She pretty much had a complete nervous breakdown. No matter who you are, there will always be someone who loves you enough that their entire universe will collapse if you kill yourself.

My friend, however, turned my statement back to God. Without fear of divine retribution, why not be selfish? Besides, once you're gone, you don't have to worry about the people you left behind. They are no longer your problem. I didn’t have much to say at the time, but this part of the conversation has really stuck with me. I don’t know if he intended it that way, but he kind of implied that without faith it is impossible to be a good person. The same point was brought up in the class I’m taking this summer. In More’s Utopia there is a very poignant paragraph about how Godless people cannot possibly be useful to society or have any motivation to do good things.

This view makes me extremely uncomfortable. Not only because I only believe in God sometimes, and the God I believe in is indifferent to us mortals. I like to think that I am a strong example of how a person can be a good person without believing in God. The way I see it, there is no reason to treat other people in a manner in which I would not like to be treated. What is the point in making other people suffer? Plus, when you treat others with kindness, you’re more likely to get kindness in return.

It actually terrifies me that the only thing standing between some people and selfish malignancy is fear of God. What happens if those people lose their faith? Isn’t it stronger and more meaningful if someone is good person simply for the sake of being a good person? Kindness becomes superficial when it stems solely from a fear of damnation.

I am probably simplifying the matter too much. Religion is something I really have very little experience with and probably don’t really understand. Still, I cannot believe that without God people would lose all sense of decency. I am rather glad that I have never really developed a strong belief in any deity. I like the fact that any goodness I do stems from me. I can be selfless for completely selfless reasons. Neither Heaven nor Hell come into it.

Storytelling

2009-06-03T16:23:00.002-06:00

On my birthday I went to dinner and a movie with my parents. We saw Brothers Bloom, which was really good. It's a con-men caper reminiscient of classic movies. Of the two brothers, Stephen is kind of the mastermind - he plans cons like he's writing a story. The ending is very touching and one of the last lines is this (paraphrased probably. I'm going with memory which is not perfect):

...............What we do now is we live like we're telling the greatest story ever told.

It's a wonderful idea, and a lovely way to end the movie. But how possible is it to really live a great stroy from start to finish? Very few people have the rescources or drive to have a really fascinating plot summary. Those who do seem to die young. Take Errol Flynn, for example. He was born in Australia, got kicked out of several schools, owned a plantation, sailed around god knows where, and was a hollywood star by the time he was 30. He inspired the phrase "in like Flynn," married three actresses (not all at once), developed an addiction to morphine. Adventures ensued on and off screen until he died at 50. And that's just the bare bones of his life. Just the blurb on his book inspires excitement!

My personal plot summary will likely be pretty typical: School, Work, Marriage, Retirement. The only stand out moments will be when I was sick and if something amazing happens (like publishing a book or winning a Tony for my play). In the overall scheme of things, those are pretty small blips in an otherwise ordinary life.

I prefer to live like I'm telling a series of vingettes. The over-arching storyline is not so important. I think it's better that way; to live life like you're telling a series of short stories; a volume of poignant moments that are held together by the overall progression of life. The little moments that fall inbetween the story are the ones worth reading.

June is Bustin' Out!

2009-06-01T13:45:00.005-06:00

People of Earth, Welcome to June!

On this momentous start of this momentous month, I have officially been alive for a full quarter of a century! See, I have a pie chart to prove it:

Also, since I have a tradition of posting dancing dudes on my birthday:

Ok, so I've used this dude before. But I like him. It's my birthday! I can blog what I want to!

Popping In to Say Hello

2009-05-30T11:46:00.002-06:00

Oh, wow. Did I really only post once this month? I've been terribly neglectful of my blogging duties. Sorry about that internet people. I've had a lot going on.

I always have a lot going on. Somehow I've managed to blog though it anyway.

The craziness that has been going on involves some good and a lot of bad. My iPod died, my computer was nearly-fatally injured and barely came back from the edge of death, I rear ended someone so my car is all messed up, I'm running out of money because there was a long run when there were hardly any shifts available at work, I barely got through my classes, I'm going to have to move back in with Mom and Dad when my lease is up. I wasn't at all happy about that last one at first, but I think it will ultimately be quite good. That way I can actually save money and focus on school. When I finally graduate I may have enough fundage to actually get the hell out of Dodge... erm Utah.

I've also been busy dancing and riding my bike. Not quite as much as I need to be. I'm riding Seattle to Portland in July and I'm no where near in as good of shape as I need to be. I'm taking a class this fall, and work is starting to pick up so I'm getting better hours. Summer is here and life is taking me outdoors.

I promise I will start updating more often. Funny thing is, I've kept a list of topics I want to blog about. I just haven't gotten around to actually getting online and doing it.

Monday I turn 25. Woot.

Special

2009-05-06T15:15:00.002-06:00

Today is special because of the way the sun is shining. It's making every Japanese Maple I passed on my way to work the most extraordinary red color.

Fire and Brimstone

2009-04-16T12:11:00.003-06:00

I've seem to be having a lot of discussions lately about Absurd plays. I helped one friend with a quick paper on Endgame by Beckett, which was really fun; I loves me some Beckett. I've also had several mini discussions about No Exit by Sartre with another friend of mine. Most of these discussions are prompted by a sign at the gym we've been going to. The sign says (this will be a big surprise) "No Exit" it big, red, cartoonish letters. Very few people, I think, would see that and think "weird existential theater." These minor events have brought to the surface thoughts of the absurd plays I've read, and general pondering of existentialism as well.

I want to talk about No Exit though. That play presents one of my absolute favorite versions of Hell. It's simple. Hell is other people. The three characters (ok, there are 4 characters in the play, but the Valet is only there for a few moments) are stuck with each other and have such personalities that it is impossible for them to get along.

The obvious question to ask now is: Who would be in your own personal Hell?

Who do you know that would make eternity complete torture if you had to spend it with them? In the play, the three people are complete strangers. It's difficult to know how you get a long with an ambiguous set of characteristics. So to answer the question, I say you have to pretty much look to people you've met. Assume that in your personal hell, it would be this person or someone almost exactly like them.

It gets more complicated actually. Not only do the two people you pick have to make it hell for you, but it has to be hell for them too. That part makes it very tricky.

I've given this question more though than I probably should have. I know who my two people would be, and I'm not going to name them here. Seems like that would bring some bad joo-joo down on me.

Person A is a girl I knew in High School. She was actually a very good friend of mine from 7th grade on. Because of our history, and a completely underdeveloped ability to mistrust my friends, I forgave her several betrayals. At some point I finally threw my hands up and cut ties with her completely. I was sick of the drama that seemed to follow her everywhere, and sick of having to watch my back all the time.

She did, however, teach me how I didn't want to be. Her blatant hypocrisy about almost everything made me loathe that in myself and in other people. I think it's impossible for people to not be hypocritical sometimes, but I do my best to avoid it. It's one of the only things I have a really hard time forgiving in other people. Throughout our whole friendship there was a sense of competitiveness with her. There were many times we would both go after the same guy. One time she made a play for a guy just because she thought I liked him. I mentioned the drama that followed her around. Plus the passive-aggressiveness that came from that girl was outstanding!

Person B is... well, it's El Douche. Yes, the ex-boyfriend. Seems too easy, doesn't it. But his appearance in my personal Hell has less to do with the whole relationship thing, and more to do with his personality. It could be him, or someone very much like him, either way, I would suffer immensely.

My biggest beef with him is his hypocrisy. When the relationship ended and when our friendship came to a close, he was incredibly critical of me. Thing is, I could have turned every criticism around and said it back to him and it probably would have been more accurate. His ego constantly twists reality to suit him. Plus, he is one of those guys who feels they have to prove their manhood to whoever they're talking to. He brags, a lot, and exaggerates. I promise this isn't bitter ex talk. Just ask other people who know him.

So I obviously don't like either of these people, but I'm pretty sure they would clash horribly with each other too. Even though I dislike them both for somewhat similar reasons, they each have one thing in common that would make it impossible for them to like each other. Both A and B are completely sure that the universe and everything in it was put here just for them*. The level of self-centeredness contained in each of them would probably rip a hole in the fabric of reality if they got together. In our Hell, they would instantly clash and start fighting about who is more perfectly the center of everything. It would, of course, be a very quiet, passive-agressive fight.

*yes, I know that I can be very ego-centric. I'm blogging from the center of the universe for fucksake. I'm often very full of myself. But I'm also aware of people besides myself. My personal selfishness would probably make things worse of all of us too. God, I hope I don't end up in this hell. Perhaps it's time to start repenting all my sins and "get religion." Or not.

Also, apropos of nothing, we've come up with an awesome band name: Samuel Beckett and the Matadors. We'll play existential indy rock and be super pretentious.

Wild Windy Walruses

2009-04-04T02:11:00.004-06:00

Oh hello internet people. You're still here. Sorry I haven't posted lately; I have several excuses that you are probably not at all interested in hearing. This is not even a real post, sorry. It's just a collection of interesting things I have discovered in the online universe. By the way, I have named the internet. I didn't do it alone, I had the help of my friends Vanessa and Jake. The internet's name is Ivanovitch Malcolm Gore... I'm not sure why I felt the need to share that with you right now. Anyway, here are some neat things that Ivan can tell you about:

Remember the songs that used to be so awesome, and now you hardly ever listen to them anymore? I haven't made it through all the songs posted, but some of them so far I haven't heard of. Most of them make me smile with a glimmer of nostalgia in my eye.

Somebody has made the stories of everyone she ever kissed a matter of public record. It's strangely fascinating in a very voyeuristic way. Actually it has inspired a writing project for me. I'm now working on a series of short stories about everyone I've kissed. Remembering them is the easy part- I have actually written down the name of every single person I've kissed. The tricky part is actually making each story read as a story rather than a blog post or essay kind of thing. It's a fun exercise.

Book shelves made of books. I want.

Speaking of books, anyone up for a trip to NY? I need to stay at this hotel!

We'll keep with the book theme... sort of. Books have paper. These are also made of paper. And they are mind blowing awesome.

It occurs to me that most of my readers wont really care about this. I think it's awesome. But most of you kids are not lindy-hoppers so you don't really care about a neat-o lindy blog.

My friend, Jeremy, wrote a song about my other friend, Doug. It's a very silly song. He also made a music video for it. It makes me laugh.

If you ever look at the sidebar, you have noticed that I have started doing the twitter thing. I'm not sure I like it. I think this video is hilarious though. I actually "tweeted" it a while ago. It's still funny now that I'm actually blogging about it rather than micro-blogging... yeah. Here, watch:

Whoa... youtube just gave me all sorts of options for posting this! It was fun. Well, kids have fun with this junk. I promise I'll do a real post soon. Really. I will.

One Two... Get Down

2009-03-22T00:49:00.004-06:00

I think we can probably all agree that one of the hardest things in life is "making the first move" in a relationship. This can mean two different things; either asking a person out on a first date, or initiating the kissing thing. From a gender role perspective, both are traditionally the responsibility of the guy, but many of us know that you boys are chicken shit. Often if we girls want to get something done, we just have to do it ourselves. Many guys I've talked to think this is a good thing.

The first incarnation of "the first move" (the asking out), I think is the easy one. How hard is it to go up to somebody (or call, text message, IM, whatever) and say "Hey, there's this thing on this day, do you want to go with me?" It's really not very hard at all. I promise. I've done it several times. In fact, I would say that the majority (though not all) of the first dates I've gone on have been completely due to my own initiative. The way I see it, first dates are really just a way of testing the water - see if the two of you have enough in common to actually spend time together away from a group. Most of the time the first date is a more casual affair and so it's really easy to casually ask about. Plus, if at first you don't succeed, it's just as easy to ask again.

Maybe I cheat because I never ever say "Hey hot stuff, wanna go on a date with me." If that's how you roll, good for you. I'm not really in favor of that approach though for several reasons. First of all, when you ask someone out, it's always better to be specific and have a game plan. "Want to go to this concert on Friday?" is much more effective than "Want to go out sometime?" Second of all, officially labeling something as a Date puts a lot of pressure on both parties. What if you go out and discover that you have nothing in common at all? You still are somehow obligated to act like you're on a date. It adds a weird aspect of formality that I am not a fan of. There are a few other small reasons too, but I don't really feel like going into those.

Anyway I pose the question to you, dear internet users, is it better for the dude or the dudette to do the asking? Does it really matter? And, if the girl asks, should she then expect to have to pay? Concerning the last question, logic tells me yes, but life experience tells me no.

The other possible meaning of "making the first move" is the really scary one. There is much more risk involved in going in for a kiss than in asking a person out. For one thing, it's much easier to recover from a failed invitation than from a rejected pucker.

I would certainly be comforting to know how the other person will react before one goes in for a little lip action. It's often very difficult to judge that though. I guess you always have to option of asking first, but I hate hate hate when guys do that! Seriously. When I am hit with the question "Would it be alright if I kissed you?" I can't help but roll my eyes. I usually say something like "Do whatever you want" which, if I don't want to be kissed, doesn't actually solve the poor boy's problem of knowing how I will react to him trying to kiss me.

I can already hear the argument pertaining to this subject that kisses can just naturally happen. It's true, with the right set up, it can be very hard to tell who really initiates the kiss. I'm sure you've had the moments (they may seem to happen more often when there is alcohol involved) when you're standing fairly close to the object of your affection, you lock eyes, your faces drift closer and closer, suddenly your lips make contact!

It is nice when that happens, and it is sometimes hard to figure out who really went out on a limb and made the move. It had to be one of you though. Someone had to move thier head that extra inch or so to make contact. I promise. I have encountered a few of those magic moments that have ended up being completely fruitless due to the cowardice of one or both parties.

While I have no problem asking guys out, I am very hesitant to initiate kissing. Not that I don't do it, but it happens much less often.

I pose the same question for this situation: Is it better for the Jack or the Jill to take the plunge? Does it really matter? If one takes care of the asking out, isn't it only fair that the other takes the risk on the first kiss?

I think my answer to all these questions is: It all depends on the situation. Therefore, I disallow any of you to use that answer! Ha!

this message has been brought to you by the letter M and the frustrating fact that I have been lying in bed the last 4 hours trying desperately to sleep, because I'm very tired, but not managing to drift off.

Big Ol' Stack of Syrupy Goodness

2009-03-11T16:19:00.003-06:00

Rainn Wilson is brilliant. If you don't know that already, now you do.

I won't go on about all the funny stuff he does; believe me there's a lot of it.

I want to tell you today about his new website project thingy. It's kind of a fun little make-you-think sight. Go check it out. Right now!

http://www.soulpancake.com/

Important Anniversaries

2009-03-10T09:44:00.003-06:00

I am so incredibly, completely and unflappably happy! Today officially marks 5 years of full and complete remission for me. That's right, the Wegerner's Granulomatosis has been leaving me alone, without being pushed back with medicine, for 5 full years.

Honestly, it doesn't really change anything. I still have to be careful and see the doctor occasionally etc. 5 years doesn't mean that it wont ever come back. But I feel like it is a very important landmark.

I'm so excited, I could burst! I can't stop smiling, but I also kind of want to cry. Every molecule of air I breathe is like a sundae. Life is so incredibly amazing! If there's one thing I've learned from all this it is that we are so lucky for every single moment of every day.

For those readers who don't know the whole story, I have blogged about it a few times before and to catch up it's just a matter of reading through all those. I recommend starting at the bottom. If you don't have time to read everything, a few years ago I posted the whole story in three installments: One, Two, Three. It's not exactly a small amount of reading, but it will go faster than slogging though everything with the WG tag.

It's really hard to fully express how amazing and important this five year thing is. Some of you, dear readers, have been there with me from the beginning, so I'm guessing you understand. It's almost impossible to tell other people about it and have them get it though. Even so, I want to go up to every person I see and say to them "Guess what! I've been healthy for five years, isn't that great!?" I'm not sure such behavior will go over well.

Of course I'm celebrating. I going out to dinner tonight with my family. Not really doing anything big today, actually. I would throw a big party, but there's snow on the ground and it's had to get all the people I want to include inside one place. This summer though I plan to throw a major celebration. I feel so blessed to have so many people support me the last few years and I want to share with them the wonderful news. So later this year, I will have a big Life party.

Do me a favor, wherever you are: Enjoy the crap out of today!

Who Watched the Watchmen?

2009-03-08T23:06:00.002-06:00

I did, on Friday. I liked it.

There are enough reviews out there and I don't really feel like adding my own two sense. I agree with most of them anyway so I would just be redundant. I thought it was a good movie. It followed the graphic novel very closely, but a lot of what makes the novel so great just didn't translate to the film. Still, it was visually very stunning. I will probably see it a few more times.

For my friends who have also seen it, and read the book and are totally geeking out about it, I am about to blow your mind:

It makes me laugh. It also makes me scratch my head and say "huh?" My theory is that whoever decided to make this cartoon just looked at the pictures in the book and didn't, you know, read it.

My favorite parts:
Rorschach: "I'm nutty!"
"John can give you cancer and then turn into a car"
Remember how the Comedian is Silk Specter's father? That makes this little show even more disturbing.

Seriously! WTF

Moment of Quiet Reflection

2009-03-03T21:38:00.006-07:00

A friend of mine today found himself in an unfortunate situation. I won't go into the details here because it's not my story to tell. He's now stuck in a place that is, physically and figuratively, separate from the world of people who support and care about him. If I were in his shoes I would be terrified and, I imagine, very lonely. I haven't really known him all that long (not even a full year), but my heart goes out to him and I want desperately to help him; I just don't know how.

My little brother is also facing a tough bit of life. His crazy antics have caught up with him and he may have to have surgery on his shoulder or his ankle or both. His injuries are keeping him from doing things he really loves to do, like snowboarding and rock climbing, and the surgery, if it happens, will put many of his future plans on hold. He's having a hard time dealing with it all, and who can really blame him? Our dad asked me to talk to him because I have some experience with extenuating circumstances stepping in to fuck up my future.

My brother asked: "How did you deal with it?"
I told him: "Poorly"

Looking back on the time I took adjusting to life with Wegener's I don't really see much really bright in how I behaved. I lashed out at my family, I flew headlong into living only in the moment, I did my best to ignore my derailed future. It all lead to a major crisis point. Even now I feel like I'm just barely piecing my life back together little by little, with cheap glue so some bits keep falling off even as I stick new ones on.

In retrospect it's easy to see the things I didn't handle particularly well. If I could do it all again with the knowledge that comes with hindsight would I do things differently? I'm not sure I would be able to. So what advice can I give to people facing hard knocks? Don't do what I did. And I can offer a series of cliches that feel empty and trite in my mouth: take it one day at a time; you will be stronger from living through this; this too shall pass.

What can I offer to help my friend? Wise, helpful and heartfelt advise is out. I don't think it would do any good anyway. At times of major crisis people seem to want to do nothing but bombard you with advise, none of which you really want to hear and most of which sounds like the same stupid thing over and over. The best I can offer is to simply let him know that I am thinking of him. If I prayed, I guess I would pray for him. I have always been touched when people have told me that they prayed for me.

Demurest of the Tabby Kind

2009-02-23T17:05:00.006-07:00

The last few days haven't been much fun for me. Friday night I was on my way to a jazz concert when I got a phone call from my dad. He told me that my kitty had stopped using the litter box and it was probably time to put her down. She's been sick for a while. She was diagnosed with hypothyroidism about a year ago and treatment hasn't worked. She eats a ton but has been losing weight so she was just skin and bones. The last few weeks she hasn't been grooming herself so her hair had gotten all clumped and matted. This weekend she stopped using the litter box.

Saturday morning Dad called me again and said that we needed an appointment to euthanise her. Our usual vet didn't have anything until today at 4, when I would be at work, and we didn't want to wait too long because she wasn't doing well at all. He called around and found a vet's office that could get us in first thing this morning. So early today I went with Dad to the vet's and said goodbye to my cat.

She was a very good kitty. I got her when I was in 4th grade so she was about 15 years old. That's a fairly long life for a feline. Even though I didn't take her with me when I moved out, she was still very much my kitty. I'm really sad.

I'm not going to say much more because I think I might start crying again if I do. Instead, here are some pictures for you:

Rusty Made Me Do It

2009-02-13T01:33:00.004-07:00

Rusty didn't like my list of completely random things about not me. He threatened to take away my "the great" title. I can't have that. So here you go, a list of 48 random things about me:

1. I have very weird feet. My second and third toes are longer than my big toe, and the next one is just as long.

2. I’ve been searching for the perfect pair of green shoes for a little more than two years.

3. I am completely terrified of yellow jacket wasps.

4. When I can’t sleep I memorize poetry

5. I have Wegener’s Granulomatosis.

6. I used to have a really bad lisp. I’m afraid it will come back someday

7. I own 22 pairs of sunglasses

8. I had back surgery for scoliosis when I was 13.

9. My favorite constellation is Corona Borealis

10. I have been in love with Errol Flynn since I was 6 years old. He is the absolute coolest actor/action hero/all around dude who ever lived.

11. Until I was 17 everyone thought I was older than I actually was. Now they think I’m younger than I am. I think for a while I was in a hurry to grow up; then at some point I decided I wanted to stop. Somehow that seemed to reflect on my physical appearance.

12. I have been in love twice. The first love loved me back. The second did not. They are both married now. The first one doesn’t talk to me anymore. The second does sometimes

13. I have made a point my whole life to not develop a Utah accent. I think I’ve done well. I do, however, sometime slip into a New York accent. I’ve never lived in New York. I’ve visited a few times and my mother grew up there.

14. Because of my back, I can never go skydiving. This is one of the great disappointments of my life.

15. I abhor Valentines Day. I think it is the stupidest, least romantic holiday in the history of holidays. I like it even less when I have a boyfriend. I fully believe romance should be spontaneous. There is nothing romantic about a day set aside just for romance.

16. I think better when I’m walking. If I have something I need to work out, I will go on a very long walk. After I’ve figured it out, I will usually write about it in my journal.

17. I once closed my right middle finger in a door. The fingernail fell off and grew back funny. I also hold my pens oddly because I got used to writing without that finger.

18. I have a list of every guy I have ever kissed, including random one-time drunk kisses. There are 43 names on that list; that is a lot. I like kissing.

19. My eyes change color depending on what I’m wearing. When I wear a certain green shirt of mine, my eyes turn exactly the same color. I like when my eyes are green more than when they are blue.

20. Until recently I’ve never had any long lasting quality friendships. I tend to go from one group of friends to another without even really noticing that I’ve completely made the switch. I think I still do it (I’m kind of in the process of moving into my third group of friends in 5 years), but I’ve kept a few very important friendships from old groups.

21. I never had a best friend until just a few years ago.

22. I am always disappointed with Cajun food. I get excited when I order it and expect to like it a lot, but I never do. I don’t know why.

23. I envy people with strong religious beliefs. They have something special that I think must be very comforting when life gets difficult. I haven’t joined any religion though because I can’t believe the mythologies that are out there. They just don’t make sense to me. I would feel like a great hypocrite going through the motions without actually having faith.

24. I hate, hate, hate romantic comedies. This is a loathing that I has just developed in the last year or two.

25. I am not ticklish anywhere except one spot on my lower back. I am very ticklish there if you do it just right.

26. I believe in reincarnation. I’m not sure there’s really a purpose for it, but I’m positive it happens.

27. I always have my toenails painted

28. I have, at various points in my life, had a crush on six different Newsies (Jack Kelly, Spot Conlon, Mush, Kid Blink, Specs and Dutchy).

29. I never had a crush on a teacher until my freshman year of college when I fell totally in like with my physics professor.

30. I can never remember the difference between lay/lie lain/laid so I usually avoid using those worlds. I always “set the book on the table” rather than “lay the book on the table.”

31. I have proclaimed that I will not date a guy who isn’t taller than me. The guys I’m most attracted to are usually very tall. Most of my boyfriends have been on the shorter side – my height or just an inch or two taller.

32. The night before I started high school, I decided that I was going to keep a journal. I had tried a few times earlier in life, but was never able to keep it up for more than a month or so. Since that day though I have written fairly regularly and now I have 17 full notebooks covering the last 10 years. It’s a great therapy for me. I go a little nuts if I stop writing for more than a couple weeks.

33. Every time someone uses the (non)word “funner” I die a little inside

34. I read my first Shakespeare play (Midsummer Night’s Dream) the summer before 7th grade. I don’t think I understood most of it, but I’ve been mildly obsessed with The Bard ever since and have read 15 of his plays and will undoubtedly read more. Eventually I’m sure I will have read them all.

35. The first CD I ever purchased was Ace of Base The Sign

36. I really enjoy cheese

37. I think humans have a natural tendency toward hypocrisy. I try my best not to be hypocritical. I’m not perfect about it, but I really do try. I will forgive people almost any offense unless it is blatantly hypocritical.

38. I’m usually a very social person and I really enjoy spending time with friends. I also really value my alone time and occasionally have to retreat and spend a day or two by myself reading (or sometimes writing).

39. When I was little I didn’t have imaginary friends, but I had imaginary children. Their names were Zoe (the E is silent) and Cassie (I guess I have always been very self-centered. But if guys can name their kids after themselves, why can’t I? She was like Cassie Jr). They grew up much faster than normal kids. By the time I was 10, Zoe was in jail and Cassie was getting her PhD. They never even called home anymore, such ungrateful kids!

40. I don’t want to have real kids. I’m not completely dead set against it – if I meet the right guy, fall madly in love, and he really wants kids, I can probably be talked into it. The more I think about it though, the less procreating appeals to me. The slew of recent pregnancies among my friends has made me want kids even less.

41. I have names picked out for the kids I don’t want to have: Andromeda (Andi for short) for a girl and Orion (Ryan for short) for a boy.

42. I really hate armpits. I think they are ugly and disgusting. I really hate when people touch mine, not because I’m ticklish there, but because I think it’s gross.

43. I am fascinated with language

44. I have better than perfect vision

45. I collect thimbles.

46. I wrote a wikihow article about walking in high heels. I did it anonymously though so you will never know if you’re reading the one authored by me. Except that I just linked to it. Damn.

47. I frequently have bruises on my legs (and sometimes other places) but I don’t know how I get them. I think I may kick myself in my sleep. More likely, I run into things all the time and forget/don't notice.

48. I’m convinced that I should have been a red head. I think it fits my personality and red hair is actually in my family, not too far back. Unfortunately nature decided I would be a brunette. That’s why they make hair dye.

There! Are you happy now Rusty? Does that have Ooomph? Actually, it was really easy to do. I just copied the list of 100 random things that I'm working on (I'm up to number 75) and erased the ones that were not appropriate. I have family that reads this blog; there are some thing they don't need to know.

1. 2. 3. 4. a Follow Up

2009-02-08T10:39:00.005-07:00

I refused to do the 25 random things about myself (I am working on 100 things though. I've gotten to 65... it's harder than it looks. I don't think I'm going to share that list with the internet). Shan left me this lovely gem in the comments though and I just couldn't resist. It makes me laugh.

Rules: Once you’ve been tagged, make up 25 facts, habits, goals, philosophical principles, recipes, shell scripts, sestinas, web comics, stained glass windows, or rotating bow ties. At the end, choose 25 people to “tag,” which is to say, draw on with cans of spray paint. When you have finished your “tags,” “Twitter” the results to your “Facebook” and run away.

1. You only give money to homeless people if they have an interesting sign

2. Whenever you eat broccoli you imagine that you are a huge monster and you are eating actual trees.

3. You sometimes will follow complete strangers in your car just to see how paranoid they will get about someone following them.

4. When you were six you got a carrot stuck up your nose.

5. You really believe that twisting off an apple stem will tell you the initial of the person you will fall in love with.

6. Your mother was once arrested for assault but the charges were dropped.

7. You eat onions raw, like apples.

8. You occasionally have psychic flashes, but they are always about useless and mundane things, like the color socks your best friend will wear on Tuesday.

9. You wore water wings at the pool until you were 8. When you finally took them off, you discovered you were actually an excellent swimmer and joined a swim team.

10. You spent the summer after high school "liberating" garden gnomes and flamingos. You still have them all stored in your parent's basement.

11. You read all the cartoons in the New Yorker even though you almost never think they're actually funny.

12. You're secretly a big fan of Rick Astley and get a thrill out of being rickroll'd.

13. You have a (very) irrational fear of wearing the color Orange.

14. You spent most of 8th grade wearing all black and listening to your walkman (because ipods weren't around then). People assumed you were listening to goth rock or something, but it was actually KC and the Sunshine Band

15. You have a collection of fast food kid's meal toys from when you were a kid.

16. You never get around to doing laundry until you only have one pair of clean underwear left

17. You are addicted to Barq's Red Cream Soda. You always have one box in your fridge and one in the pantry. When one runs out you start to panic a little and go to the store as soon as you can.

18. You cried when you got home after dissecting a frog in biology class because you felt like you were hurting the frog every time you cut into it.

19. You dyed your hair blonde once and did not have more fun.

20. You have the perfect murder all planned out, you just haven't found someone who deserves to die by your hand.

21. You don't actually see anything wrong with wearing socks with sandals, but you don't do it anyway because your significant other raved at you for an hour last time you did.

22. You were an extra in a Touched By an Angel episode that never aired

23. You don't have pets because you are allergic to dogs, always feel rejected around cats and iguanas are just not very good for petting.

24. You don't go on dates because you are allergic to girls, always feel rejected around boys and hermaphrodites are just not very good for petting.

25. You actually called a number you found written on a bathroom wall. The person didn't answer and you chickened out about leaving a message.

[tagged: Jeremy, Roy, Scott, Bags, Kate, Dave, Aaron, Meagan, Celcey, Doug, Claire, Shannon, Mike, Luke, Alex, Brad, Jake, Meghan, Vanessa, Talia, Sam, Ilya, Jennie, Nick, Alessa)

1. 2. 3. 4.

2009-02-04T16:32:00.003-07:00

I think I've become obsessed with lists. I'm trying to trace the origin of this obsession back to the beginning. When did this seed get planted in my brain? I think I can safely blame my creative writing class last semester. We did a lot of lists. I do know why, but don't feel like explaining it. As a writing exercise for that class, we made our own lists, so I guess that started the ball rolling in my brain.

The subconscious idea of making lists of things was fed by some of the silly websites I look at occasionally. Cracked seems like the obvious contributor to a list obsession, but I think it's been nurtured more by Found Magazine and Post Secret. Not because those sites are particularly list oriented, but because their content reduces a person's story down to something simple, like a postcard or a list.

I adore the idea of that kind of reduction - that concentration of an event or a story into something so concise. I think it makes the story more interesting to leave out more of the details. I love finding to-do lists, either left in library books or posted on Found, and trying to figure out what is going on with the person who made the list. They're even more fun if there is something completely random on that list.

So I have played around a little with fitting life into lists. It's an interesting exercise. With a list you just get a tiny snapshot of something, and if you do it right, that little piece tells a great deal about the whole. Or it leaves a lot up to speculation and makes it more interesting than it actually is. For example (and this is a repeat if you read my twitter... arggg twitter):
Last Sunday Activities:
Laundry
Cheesecake
Football
Harem Pants
That list is a log more fun than my actual day. I went to my parent's house to do laundry, made cheesecake for a dinner party with my belly dance friends, watched a little Superbowl, then went to a dinner party with my belly dance friends (we were going to make harem pants, but never got around to it. We talked about them a lot though). It's more interesting as a simple list because all four items seems completely unrelated. The story becomes more intriguing when you have to fill in the blanks to make it all fit together.

To be fair, I am not the only one obsessed with lists. The internet is too. If you've spent any time online in the last week or so, you may have noticed the list that Ivan (which is what I, along with friends, Jake and Vanessa, named the internet. His full name is Ivanovich Malcolm Gore, just so you know) is obsessed with. Tell me if this rings a bell: "25 random things about me."

This viral phenomenon has taken over facebook and a few blogs. I haven't seen it in e-mail yet, but not many of my friend use e-mail anymore. I haven't done it yet. Not because I think the list itself is not worth doing, but I don't like the viral spreading process. It annoys me when you tell me that I have to do something like pass on a stupid letter/note/post/whatever. I am not the only one who steadfastly refuses to do it, but we holding-outers are few and far between.

There was even an article about it in the NY Times. It's a very interesting article, and it started me thinking about it a little. It's a very interesting article. Go read it. I'll wait.

This is one of my favorite parts:
For most, it seems to be a creative way to indulge in social networking without coming off as needy or shamelessly self-absorbed.
That makes me giggle. How does that not seem self-absorbed? Can someone explain that to me?

The part that talks about it as a writing exercise is really interesting to me though. And I do admit that I have read several lists and found them very fascinating. It is indeed interesting to see "what people reveal when there isn't a particular requirement." I'm thinking of making my own list, just as an exercise for myself. I may even do 100, which the article mentions was probably the original game. Actually, if I do 100 random things about me, I might post it here. After all, I am shamelessly self-absorbed and like to show that off here on my little blog thing.

Don't worry, if I do decide to post a list of my own, I wont require anyone else to make their own.

All Things Dance

2009-01-25T16:14:00.003-07:00

I hope no one has been holding their breath waiting for me to blog about ULX. I had the best intentions to do it, because it was a spectacular weekend, but I was distracted by the inauguration and, you know, life in general.

It's very hard to go from an exchange back to the real world. Never mind that my sleep schedule is still a little skeewompus, but to actually have to do something besides dance is... a little bit of a downer. In an ideal world I would be able to go around to country attending exchanges and workshops and things and not have to worry about anything else. How cool would that be?

I will say that I'm really happy with my experience this year. I met so many amazing people and have hopes of keeping up with them. So I now have contacts around the country so when I do manage to get out of UT, I have people I can meet up with.

It's an odd thing (I'm going off on a tangent here)... All these new friends of mine, it was really cool hanging out with them this weekend. Now most of them are friends on facebook and I'm not quite sure what to do with it. Part of me says I should send them messages and things like that, but it feels... somewhat insincere. I guess small talk in person is much easier for me than over the internets. I'm not sure that's a bad thing. Isn't it better to be less awkward in person than online? I like to think so. Still, any new friendship is going to fizzle if it's not fed, and facebook is the only way to feed some of these. I'm sure I'll manage.

Moving on! Enough about swing (what? there's something besides swing? ... I really do feel that way sometime lately. I've gotten so into it, I feel like I hardly do anything else) I'm not going to talk about Belly Dance! Yes. Booty shaking, shiney, sparkly belly dance.

This weekend I went with three friends of mine, with whom I belly dance, down to Wendover. One of the gals is involved with the VFW and they were hosting a fundraiser for cancer research. As part of that we volunteered to come down and dance. It was a lot of fun! In the twenty minutes or so we were dancing, we collected around $410! Not too shabby.

Now it's all over. My fair city is sitting in the middle of a snow storm, which is really lovely. I love snow like this. The flakes are big and soft and everything is quiet and clean. I'm also glad to be getting actual winter weather. The last few days it's been raining. Rain! in January! Bah!

Proud American

2009-01-20T11:13:00.002-07:00

Obama has officially been president for about an hour now.

I listened to his speech on the radio. I would have watched it, but I don't have a television. I know I could have seen it online, but I happened to be in the car on my way to get groceries.

I can't remember the last time I had any faith in my country or the administration.

It's wonderful to have an articulate president. I truly believe that he will be able to do a world of good for our country.

I'm not naive enough to think that he will change things overnight. It's going to be really hard to undo all the things that the Bush administration did. I have faith that Obama can get things done though and that he will change our country for the better.

I suppose there were times when I was little that I was proud to be an American. Patriotism is instilled in us in elementary school, right? I feel like I have never in my adult, or even young-adult (read teenage) years, really truly felt patriotic. The 4th of July has been a nice break from school and work. I always enjoy fireworks, but I scoff at the people parading around in red, white and blue and roll my eyes at the pomp of the patriotic music.

Today I am, for the first time in years, not wishing that I lived in Canada or Europe. I won't say that the grass is suddenly greener on my side of the fence, but I can see the fertilizer and the new seed that will make it lush and verdant again. I am actually happy to be a citizen of the United States today. It's a very strange feeling.

Ain't What You Do It's the Way that You Do It

2009-01-17T11:43:00.002-07:00

Guess what! This weekend is the Utah Lindy Exchange! You may remember me posting about it last year. It's amazing how much things are different now though.

Last year I had only been dancing Lindy for a few months so I was totally out of my league. Friday night I didn't dance much and even though I danced a lot of Saturday, I was often awkward and not really up to par with most of the leads there. After a year of pretty hardcore dancing, I am a million times better suited for this event.

There are still a few dancers here that I am a little intimidated by. They are seriously brilliant and have been dancing for years. I can really hold my own with most of the leads though. Not only that, but this year guys are actually asking me to dance more than once. Know what that means? That means they think I'm fun to dance with.

Ok, that sounds a little silly, but it's true. A lot of leads will, at the beginning of an event, try to dance with every follow present. They shop around and see who is really fun to dance with and who is not. Naturally they're more prone to dance with the fun girls. For some guys at least, I'm not one of the fun girls.

The really big dance of the weekend is tonight. I'm kind of catatonic right now because I was dancing pretty hard for nearly 11 hours yesterday (wow, when I actually add it all up, it's pretty damn impressive). There were three dances I went to - one in the afternoon, one in the evening and the Late Night, which went until 5. I had to stay because I volunteered to help clean things up. I'm taking it easy this afternoon because I've got about 8 more hours of dancing ahead of me tonight. I don't know if I'll make it til 5 though again.

Also this year, I'm hosting someone. Vanessa is staying on my couch for the weekend and she is pretty cool. Plus she's an amazing dancer.

I'll write more about the weekend later. Now I'm either going to make lunch, or take a nap. I just woke up about an hour ago, so I think lunch makes a little more sense.

Where Does the Time Go?

2009-01-11T16:01:00.003-07:00

I can't believe it's been this year for two weeks. I've been filling every waking moment with very fun things... and work. Which is not to say that work isn't fun, it's just not super fun. Anyway, I feel like I've done enough in the last two weeks to satifyingly fill four.

Where to start? Last weekend, just on friday, I went sledding, which was awesome. I also went on an amazing date. I was supposed to go skating with my friend, Roy. The weather was really bad though, so we went to dinner and then we went to an archery place and shot bows and arrows. How cool is that? I was like freekin' Robin Hood! Plus it was really awesome just hanging out with Roy. I have an itty-bitty crush on him now, but it's completely rediculous and won't possibly go anywhere. Still, he's a cool kid.

Saturday I worked then I was supposed to go snow shoeing with my friend, Jason, but he flaked - he had committed himself to something which didn't give us enough time to go. But we did hang for a little while. That evening I went dancing.

I worked a lot this past week, and when I wasn't at work I was hanging out with friends, working on stuff for swing club, or getting stuff together for this belly dance thing I'm doing in a couple weeks. I did my usual dance thing on Thursday and made it out to dance at the Skillet on Friday.

Yesterday afternoon I rode around on trax (the local light-rail train system thing) with no pants. It's an ImprovEverywhere thing. I'm not going to say much about it, except that it was wicked fun and a bit chilly.

Last night I went with a friend of mine down to Provo for dancing. BYU has their swing dance there on Saturday nights (which was ok, not much different from the U and not something I would make the trip for by itself). There is also a late night dance from 10:30 to about 2:00 at this little sandwhich shop downtown. That was a lot of fun! I will probably try to get down that way again for that.

That's a quick overview of what I've been up to and things are not going to slow down any time soon. School starts tomorrow so it'll be back to the books. Next weekend is the Utah Lindy Exchange, so I will be busy all weekend dancing there. The weekend after that I going to Wendover to belly dance at a cancer fund raiser thing.

Maybe February will be less crazy.

Another Year Gone By

2009-01-01T10:36:00.003-07:00

Hello everybody, welcome to 2009!

I rang in the new year with the most incredible night of dancing. Royal Crown Review played at a local club. People were encouraged to dress up and there was a dance contest (which I entered with my friend Celcey. We were by far the best girl/girl couple in the contest) and great music. The band was really good. Right before the break the bass player and the drummer did solos that absolutely blew the mind. There were tons of good dancers there and the energy was really high. Plus you could actually get a drink, which rarely happens for swing dancing in Utah. Not that it's really necessary to have drinks when dancing, it's just one of those things that makes Utah special. When I went to Lindy on the Rocks in Colorado, every dance had a bar. People had a couple drinks throughout the night, but no one ever got belligerent. It was kind of nice to have that options.

After last night, I'm kind of exhausted and sore today... in that really good way. I also worked 8 hours yesterday so I was on my feet a lot. It's no surprise that my legs feel like they are going to fall off now and, actually, my lower back is pretty tired as well. That said, I'm going over to my parent's for dinner tonight and I'm thinking about walking over there. Best way to cure tired legs is to use them, right?

So, it being the start of the new year and all, I thought about doing an epic year in review post like I did last year, but I really haven't had time. The last few days have been so full of... I don't even know what. Besides the holidays I've been working a lot and playing a lot. It's all been very fun, but I'm getting a little burned out. I feel like almost every day I've left the house at 8 and haven't gotten home until 11 or later. So the whole year in review is out. If you want to know what I did all year, you can go back and read all the little post thingies I did.

I will, however, take a look at my list of things to do in 2008:

Things to do in the new year (not resolutions, mind you. No one ever keeps resolutions):
1. Find a new job.
2. Get into hardcore biking shape again
3. Eat veggies
4. Shrink my "to-read" list... by reading.
5. Make new friends and strengthen the friendships I already have

Things to NOT do in the new year:
1. Date complete douchewads
2. Waste away in my death job
3. Go on a psycho mass murdering tour de world
4. Waste all my time watching TV and adding books to my "to-read" list that I will never get around to because I'm wasting all my time watching TV.
5. Eat meat (that's right kids, I'm going to give the vegetarian thing a try)

I think I've done pretty well for the most part. I did, indeed, find a new job. I quit the receptionist gig and am now doing something that I really love. I rode the MS 150, so I think that counts as getting back into hardcore biking shape. However, after that I kind of slacked. So I got there, but didn't maintain. I have eaten several veggies. I read a lot, but my "to-read" list is longer now than it was before. It's a hazard of working with books.

I have made several new friends and become better friends with those I already had. That's a tricky one though. I think some of my older friends have slipped through the cracks. I still keep up with a few, because they are the best friends I have, but.... If I look at who I was spending most of my time with this time last year compared to now, the dynamic is really different. I think it's mostly due to regular drifting apart. I've gotten so into the dancing thing, and most of the friends I have outside of that just aren't interested. I mean, that's why I started going to the U swing club in the first place. I wanted to meet people who I could go dancing with because none of my friends did it. I'm really passionate about swing, so there's no way I'm going to give it up. It's sad, but it makes sense that if I spend so much time dancing, I'm going to bond more with the people I go dancing with. C'est la vie.

As for what I wanted to not do in 2008... I didn't date any douchewads. I actually didn't really date anyone. I went on a few dates with a few people, but they didn't seem to go anywhere. And you know what, I'm totally ok with that. I've had fun, and I don't need to be with someone to be happy. I'm not saying that I want to stay single, anyone who has read my blog knows that I want to find love just as much as the next gal. I just am in no major hurry. It will come when it comes, meanwhile, I am perfectly content with what I have. Moving on, job o' death is no more, I didn't not mass murder anyone. I don't have a TV. I do watch shows online, but I don't spend too much time doing that. Especially not lately. I really don't miss TV at all. The vegetarian thing totally failed.

I'd say that I did pretty well on my goals for the year. Nine out of ten ain't bad. For 2009 I have a long list of things I would like to do, but don't know how possible they really are. First I want to do the Seattle to Portland Bicycle Ride in July. And, since doing the MS 150 early in the season made my brain say "hey, I don't have anything to train for anymore. I can totally slack off," I think I may do the ULCER again too. (Hey, Aaron, you should come back and do the ULCER with me again). I want to go to a few Lindy Exchanges outside of Utah. Exchanges are so much fun, and the best way to get better at dancing is to go out and dance with good dancers. There are a few good dancers here, but the really brilliant dancers are elsewhere. They all go to the exchanges though. Plus doing that exposes you to all sorts of different styles. I also would like to get a one bedroom place or a studio when our lease is up this summer.

These three big things are high on my list of things I want to do. They're all kind of on the expensive side though, so they may not be possible. I'm definitely going to do the bike rides, and I'd really like to do the apartment thing. I may have to settle for just one exchange though. We'll see. There are other, not big things I would like to do too. So I guess I'll do a list of goals again, just like last year:

Things to do in the new year (still not resolutions. Resolution is a bad word)
1. Get a merit position at one of the libraries (I like the subbing thing, but I wouldn't mind having a steady schedule, and I'm going to need a job with benefits soon)
2. Get back into hardcore biking shape, and stay there!
3. Improve my lindy. I'd like to get to the point where I feel comfortable seriously entering a contest. Yes, I did do a contest last night, but that was just for giggles. Celcey and I knew we wouldn't place or anything. We just thought it was fun.
4. Put my monies in order enough that I can afford a place by myself
5. Write regularly and often. Not blog writing or journal writing but Writing writing.
6. Get swing club running and fabulous.

Things to NOT do in the new year
1. Drink soda
2. Date douchewads (it was a good goal)
3. Go on a mass murdering tour de world (also a good goal, might as well carry it over)
4. Fail at school

I have to say, I think 2008 was a really good year. I'm sure 2009 will be as well. There are lots of things I'm looking forward to. Not the least of which is I will hit the 5 year mark of being in remission in March! My bestest buddie, Arrakis, is getting married in August. Who no what other fabulostiy awaits.

I hope your year has been lovely. I hope your next year will be lovelier still. Happy New Year, my dear and faithful readers!

Winter Wonders

2008-12-25T21:21:00.005-07:00

It started snowing today just in time for me to drive home from my parent's. I'm sitting in my apartment, listening to The Beatles, putting stuff away and generally enjoying the peace. It was a lovely Christmas. I'm keeping this brief; I leave you with this holiday message:

Oh Hai!!1!!

2008-12-22T12:05:00.002-07:00

Christmas is coming way too fast.

I have no free time at all.

It's worse than when school was in. I thought I was busy with classes and stuff, but no, that wasn't busy. Now is busy.

I've discovered that being busy and stressed (because I'm so busy) makes me extra anal about having things clean. Is it so bad to want to come home to a tidy apartment? I don't think so. Funny how these things manifest themselves.

For the first time in I don't know how many years, I'm not already completely burned out on x-mas carols. I don't listen to the radio (except NPR) and I haven't spent much time in stores so I haven't been hearing the Christmas music that has been playing since October. The last couple days I've actually been tuning in to the "all carols all the time" station when I'm in my car. I can only stand it for a song or two, because then they play something terrible or go to a ten minute long comercial break. Still, I'm actually enjoying Christmas songs this year. Weird.

Burning Ring of Fire

2008-12-14T15:15:00.007-07:00

I've had a crazy weekend, but I haven't had a chance to write about it until now. Friday night! I have a story! I even have visual aids. This is it:

First, a map. It's easier if you have some idea of the geography of my neighborhood.

Friday night I went to a "rubiks-cube" party (located at X). That should have been the most exciting thing to happen that night, but it wasn't. I left the party around 12:30 - didn't stay too late because I had work Saturday morning. Because the party was just up the street and around the corner from where I live, I had left my car at home. I set out walking home (along the path of the little grayish-bluish dots... which you may not be able to see very well). When I turned on to the pink street (point !), I noticed a few flashing lights. I was surprised, but not very concerned.

We continued walking. Yes, we. By the way, I was with my roommate and two of our friends. The closer we got to the Point ? the more lights we noticed. The entire pink street was blocked off at that point and we could see at least four fire trucks, plus a couple of cop cars and an ambulance. Naturally by the time we got to ? we were all turning to each other and saying "What the fuck is going on?"

There were 5 fire trucks total parked on the pink street. People were mulling about. Firemen and all the other emergency response people were all over the place. All this is a very strange sight for one o'clock in the morning. I walked up to one of the fire dudes (standing quite near to point !!!) and asked him what was going on. He pointed in the general direction of my apartment (Z) and said "Oh, some apartment building caught fire."

For a second, I panicked. Was it my apartment? Oh shit. I turned down the dark blue street, which leads to my back door, and noticed a crowd of people about where my apartment is. As I got closer, I realised that they were all looking away from my place (at Y). I'm sure I don't have to tell you that I was releived. Eventually I joined the crowd and saw this:

erm... sort of. I didn't actually take a picture Friday night, so this is a recreation, using photoshop, badly. There were some guys with hoses that I didn't bother putting in because I'm lazy. There was also no snow or tarps. But you get the general idea.

It was kind of crazy. I'm really glad it wasn't my place. I watched for a little while from my kitchen, then I went to bed because I still had to go to work Saturday morning. Here's what it looks like now:

The one on the right is literally the view from my kitchen window. According to the newspaper there were active flames for about 2 hours and over 100 firefighters were there fighting it. The fire was caused by a cigarette butt and started on one of the 6th floor balconies. About 80 people now have to find new places to live. It's going to take about a year to get the apartments in that building repaired to the point that people can live in them again.

People are Strange

2008-12-09T12:51:00.005-07:00

Sorry I've been absent for a while. I've been busy getting sick, getting built up and then getting shot down.

Remember my stranger? Of course you do, it's the last thing I wrote about. We're going to call him Joe. After my last blog I resolved to keep more of an open mind about my budding relationship with Joe. I made an effort to stop doubting that he was as fabulous as he seemed. We went out again, twice, and it was fantastic.

I'm not saying that I really got to know everything about him right away. I guess he is essentially still a stranger. But what I have found out is great. And hanging out with him... It's going to sound really stupid and corny... he made me laugh. Hard. The way I laugh with pretty much only with my favorite friends. I'm not sure anyone I've dated before has done that.

I'm not saying it would have work out perfectly or anything. I'm enough of a realist to not expect too much right away. But I did see a lot of potential and things were looking like they were going to keep going really well.

Then Saturday night he blindsided me with the "I just want to be friends speech." Except it wasn't the normal cliche speech. He was right to do it. He's dealing with some shit that would make it really unfair of him to go into a relationship. He just isn't at a place in his life that he could give as much as he took. I know that sounds a lot like the typical lame excuse, but it's just my summation of what he said. He was completely right and kind and... impossible to argue with. What was I going to say? No, I want to date you so I deny you a chance to fix your life first. I want to be in a relationship that is doomed from the beginning because you're not ready for one.

I'm not heartbroken or anything. We weren't seeing each other long enough for any real serious attachment to form. I'm extremely disappointed, and sad to loose something that had such great potential. More than anything I'm feeling a little wiped out by the whole romance thing. I feel like I've just run through one failure after another. Whenever I meet someone I'm interested in, it never goes anywhere. We might have a fun flirtation or a short lived series of dates that lead nowhere. I'm beginning to doubt that I am even capable of connecting with someone on a deeper level.

With Joe I was impressed by something that made me think for a second that I might have found someone with whom I could connect. I guess I still can, but it will have to be as just a friend. Fuck. Whatever potential might be there, any possible romantic relationship has been given the kiss of death. We're off to friend land, a mythical place from which few ever return.

So the morning after Joe and I downgraded our relationship from "dating" to "just friends" I woke up with a fever and a very swollen, very sore throat. The doctor confirmed strep. I spent most of the day sleeping or watching TV at my parent's house.

This is the last week of class, which means finals, lots of homework, tying things up. High stress. No fun.

Life kind of sucks for me right now.

What Is This Thing Called Love?

2008-12-02T08:23:00.003-07:00

Seems to me it’s been a while since I made my dear readers read something really long. Lucky for you, I’m feeling particularly pensive (and, apparently, alliterative) this morning. I also woke up much earlier than I intended and can’t seem to recapture sleep. So instead I will blog (and hopefully I’ll manage to fit a nap in sometime this afternoon, ‘cause I’m still kind of tired, just can’t fall back to sleep).

Love is an immense and complicated subject. Partially because the word “love” itself is so vague and subjective. As a writer, I try to steer clear of the term; the ultimate goal being to write a poem that captures the feeling of love without ever saying “love.” The big problem with “love” is it expresses a whole range of emotions from familial love to friendly love to romantic love and even the crazy, irrational, fairytale love of chick-flicks and, well, fairytales. This last version is something I usually roll my eyes at, call infatuation, and avoid falling for (all the while secretly hoping that Mr. Perfect will come breezing by and completely sweep me off my feet). I have it in my head that Love is something deeper and longer lasting than that fluttering, Hollywood, romance that implies a happily ever after, which we all know doesn’t really happen.

I have been in love, to the point that I could say “I love you” to another person, exactly twice in my life. Funny enough, both men I have loved are now married to women who are not me.

I don’t really believe in falling in love quickly. I tend to be of the philosophy that true and lasting love has to have a strong foundation and really can’t be rushed into. It baffles me that some friends of mine will date a person for just a few weeks and suddenly be “in love.” I think they fall out of love just as quickly. That kind of love, to me, isn’t really love. It’s much too fickle and cheap to really be truly meaningful.

Once upon a time, at Found Magazine, I read a “to not do” list. I don’t remember what was on it except one item: Don’t fall in love with strangers. That really resonated with me and has stuck to the edge of my consciousness. It has seemed particularly pertinent recently after a slew of failed attempts at dating and some empty liaisons (read: regular sloppy meaningless make-outs).

I, being slow to fall in love anyway, am in no danger of actually falling instantly in love with a stranger, but I take that imperative in my own way. To me it rings the truth that it is dangerous to expect too much from someone you don’t know. Though it may not be love exactly, letting my guard down early on in the dating game and giving in to twitterpation is an easy way to get hurt.

This philosophy has not always been bad, I guess. It has saved me from being devastated over some failed little romances. And thank God I was guarded enough to not fall in love with El Douche (though I will admit that I came very close). Still, with the slew of short lived, dead end, attempts at dating that has been my love life lately, I’m wondering if maybe it is, in fact, better to not hold back. Maybe a new approach is better. Could falling in love with a stranger actually work?

Right now is exactly the time for me to decide if I want to take this new approach. I happen to have a stranger who would be very easy to fall in love with. I don’t mean real Love, the kind that really lasts. I don’t think I’m wired to get that way about someone I don’t know really well. If I let myself “fall in love” with said stranger, it will be … well, I guess it would have to be the fairytale kind. Falling in love with strangers for me would mean giving in to the potential for real Love with them. It would mean putting my faith in the expectation of plenty. It would mean letting myself go into a relationship unguarded and very vulnerable to a world of hurt. The very idea is terrifying and exciting. It goes so much against the way I’m used to approaching things that it just might be worth trying. Maybe it’s my own inhibitions that are keeping me from getting into a healthy, lasting, sort of relationship.

I guess I should tell you about my stranger now. I met him dancing on a Friday, we went on a date the next Monday. So things started out rather quickly, but since then they’ve really slowed to a snail’s pace. Our date was about three weeks ago. I’ve talked to him on the phone, sporadically, since then. For a few days following our date I talked to him daily, then he vanished for a week. Finally, he called me, from a pay phone, and told me he had lost his cell phone. We talked on the phone a few times since then; just about every other day. I haven’t talked to him at all since Wednesday though because he is in Virginia for a week, visiting family for the holiday.

So here I am. I will say that our date went really well and I see a world of potential in him. Despite that, and our handful of conversations, I don’t feel like I really know him at all. Thus he still qualifies as a stranger. Still, I’m instinctively hesitant. Maybe I shouldn’t be. I wonder if it’s even possible for me to trust that this could actually go really well and let my guard down. It would almost certainly be good for me to take that approach. After all, if I expect it to fail, the chances go way up that it will… self fulfilling prophecy and all.

I haven’t decided how I want to handle things. This whole ridiculously long post was pretty much me thinking out loud...er... in type. It just barely occurred to me late last night that “falling in love with a stranger” might not be that bad. It’s a bizarre concept for me and I’m still kind of wrapping my head around it. My stranger doesn’t get back in town until tomorrow, and I’m going to be pretty busy the rest of this week, so I have some time to figure it out. Wish me luck, and feel free to put your two cents in the comments.

Monday Again

2008-12-01T11:33:00.000-07:00

What a waste of a weekend. Despite my lack of bloggage I was actually not running around having fun in the great outdoors. I was, instead, sleeping mostly. I was wretched all weekend and had no fun at all. I feel better now, but not 100%. It's all been very yuck.

Gracias

2008-11-27T09:58:00.008-07:00

Happy Thanksgiving!

In spirit of the holiday today's post is all about the things that I am truly and deeply thankful for. I think it is nice to have a day to seriously sit and ponder that which makes our life worth living and to give thanks for those things. So here (in a dancing-turkeyed list) are the things I'm most thankful for this morning:

First would have to be my family. Especially my parents. I'm not only thankful that I have them, but also that they are so awesome. I've run into a few examples lately of really overbearing, controlling parents and I'm so glad my parents are not like that. They've always been supportive, but they've also (almost always) let me live my own life and do my own thing. Thanks, Mom and Dad!

I have, I would say, three friends that I am particularly thankful for. Arrakis, Aaron and Cheng have been there for me when I'm been slobbery and stupid. They've helped me through some really tough times and have been there when I need them. I hope I've done the same for them. If I haven't I hope they know that I will be. They are all amazing people and I'm so glad I know them

Of course, I'm thankful for all my old friends too. They make me laugh every time I see them and I think that's really important. I'm glad a have a group of people I can be really happy with.

I'm also specifically thankful for my new friends too (Not everything on my list is going to be friends/family, I promise. But those are pretty freekin' important so they get a few turkeys). Since I started dancing again (it's only been about a year, can you believe it?) I've met all sorts of new people. I feel like the community has really embraced me and I think that's awesome. Many of my new friends are really awesome and I'm very glad to know them.

One more friend one. I am very grateful that my roommate is not crazy, or super uptight, or strung out, or passive-aggressive. I hardly ever see her these days. We're both so busy that we are pretty much just at the apartment to sleep, and if we're both there at the same time, we tend to be doing homework. But we still get along and any squabbles we've had we've been able to talk about them like rational people. She's pretty much awesome.

I went over to my Grandmother's house today to bake pie (mmmm pie). I walked in and she had the Macy's Thanksgiving Parade on. Two seconds in the door and I heard "Never gonna give you up, never gonna let you down." I ran to the living room and there was Rick Fucking Astley! Yes, Macy's Thanksgiving Parade was Rick Roll'd! I am wicked thankful for that.

Thank Baby Dinosaur Jesus we elected a democrat and Bush is no longer in charge.

I am super grateful that I am still healthy. Without modern medicine I would be dead several times over by now. Thanks to whatever it is that keeps me from getting really really sick again.

I am also thankful for all sorts of material things that make my life more fun/interesting/easy: my books, poetry, my computer, my car (which still works miraculously), duct tape, good beer, comfy shoes, not comfy shoes that make my legs look freekin' hot, lamp, good music, bad puns, etc etc etc

That's a pretty good list, I think. I still have my cold, but I'm battling furiously. Camping is still the plan. I'm not going to sick out on that until I absolutely have to. Here's to leaving things to the last minute! So hopefully I wont be blogging again until Monday because I'll be in the middle of the Utah desert running around having a good time.

Oh Noes!

2008-11-26T19:40:00.004-07:00

I feel like crap today.

My entire head feels stuffy and my nose is running. I've been sneezing a lot. Everything feels slower and fuzzy because of the yuck that has taken over. It feels like a nasty little cold. It smells like a nasty little cold. I refuse to acknowledge that it is a nasty little cold.

This is not a good thing.

Camping is still the plan for this weekend. I can't be sick! I'm going anyway. But I need to kick this head cold/gunk A.S.A.P. because camping in November with a cold = not fun.

Blegh.

I am self medicating with tea and Airborne. Hope it works.

Google, You Crazy!

2008-11-25T16:05:00.003-07:00

Yesterday I was playing with the webstats for this little blog o' mine. I have a thingy set up that tells me how many hits I get, where they come from, if they come from a search engine what keywords were searched, that sort of thing. I know those things aren't exactly the most accurate things, but it's kind of fun to look at once in a while.

I discovered something really freaky yesterday though. When you ask google: taoism and existentialism the very first result is This Post I did last year. That is kind of creepy, I think. That post was pretty much me just talking out of my ass. It's probably one of the best blogs I've done, but that doesn't mean that it's the first thing people should see when they're trying to figure those philosophies out.

The reason I did that search was because that page is the one with the most hits, besides my home page. I thought maybe I'd be in the first couple pages or something. It would make sense if someone who was really interested in the subject and wanted to read everything they could stumbled across my blog somewhere in their browsing. But no, I'm the very first result. What is Google thinking? It's not even a totally obscure and weird thing to ask about, really. It just goes to show you have to be very careful when you ask the internet questions.

What if there's some kid out there who, because they haven't been taught how to analyze sources or, you know, think, is using my blog as a source in a paper or something. Doesn't that just give you the heebie-jeebies? It does me. That hypothetical kid gets whatever he deserves for using me as a source because he'd have to be pretty dumb to do it. Still, the fact that it's possible is bizzar.

On the other hand, it's totally flattering. I get to pretend that I'm just a little famous on the internet. Go me.

Blah Blah Blah

2008-11-24T19:44:00.002-07:00

I'm not in the mood today. But blah blah blah NaBloPoMo... freeking November.

Remember Monsterpiece Theater? That was fun. Don't? Oh, well, here's one. Watch it.

I figure since I posted the clip from Waiting for Godot earlier this month that the "Waiting for Elmo" M.T. was appropriate.

Holy War

2008-11-22T22:09:00.003-07:00

I spent the afternoon at my parent's house watching the "big game." The BYU vs UofU football game is the event of the year here in my fair state. It's more than just a stand off between two rival schools, but it's symbolic of the faith divide that is more prominent in Utah than any other state in the US (I think. I don't really know). BYU represents the Mormons who dominate the population here and pretty much control the politics. Utah represents all us liberal nutcakes who hang out in Salt Lake.

Utah won. w00t. Actually, Utah more than won. We dominated. The final score was 24-48.

During time outs and boring bits, I flipped channels. I haven't watched TV in ages and I was relishing in the mindless glow of that silly little brain eater. I was accosted with Christmas on almost every channel. Some stations were already playing Christmas movies. Others just had millions of Buy-Your-X-Mas-Present-Here ads. It made me glad I don't have a set. Remember when Christmas season didn't really start until after Thanksgiving? Next thing you know, they'll start running x-mas ads right after the 4th of July.

Absolute Bull Crap

2008-11-21T17:48:00.002-07:00

ABC and I are no longer friends. I don't have a TV but I do occasionally watch shows online. It's nice that way. No commercials.

Anyway, one of the shows I like to watch (and I'm way behind on this season because I haven't had time to zone out in front of the computer lately) is Pushing Daisies. It's a fun little show. I like it.

ABC has canceled it. We're now officially fighting. Daisies was one of the few original and interesting shows on television. Ok, well, it wasn't particularly deep or anything. It's a little (maybe a lot) cheesy and over the top, but I like it. *sigh* I guess it was bound to happen sometime. I was kind of surprised that it even got a second season, truth be told.

Oooooo Sparkly

2008-11-20T15:55:00.003-07:00

I was going to go see Twilight on Tuesday. I had two of those little promotional sneak-preview passes that you can pick up around town. They always have more passes than seats available, so it's always a good idea to get to the theater early to get tickets. The movie started at 7. I got there around 4. The actual tickets had been sold out since 11:30. So I missed my chance. Darn.

Twilight is kind of a strange phenomenon. The books (I have read all of them) are mediocre at best, terrible at their worst. I'm not sure I understand why they are so popular. They are not well written at all. The story is kind of awful - the first book all of the action takes place in the very end. Edward is a creepy, possessive, moody, stalker, sparkly vampire. Jacob is better, but still not exactly a great romantic hero. Bella is kind of insipid.

I guess I can't expect too much from a YA novel. But there's really no reason why I shouldn't. The Book Thief, for example, is a YA book that was absolutely brilliant. But it's not nearly as popular as Twilight. I guess I shouldn't really be surprised. In a world where Dan Brown is a best selling author over and over again, it's no shock that another mediocre writer should be just as popular.

I have to say though, Dan Brown may have an atrocious writing style, but his stories are fun and he knows how to tell a story. Stephanie Meyer's vampire saga has a pretty weak story as well as poor execution. I don't get it.

On the other hand, I did read them. All four books. I guess I was suckered in just as much as anyone else. And the books were very engaging. I burned through them very quickly and was entertained the whole time. So I guess there is something to them. Of course, I am also going to see the movie (though I may wait until it hits the dollar theater) because, well, I read the books. Maybe it will actually work better as a movie. Probably not, judging by the trailer. We'll see.

Sorry Sorry

2008-11-19T11:32:00.003-07:00

The internet gods are conspiring against me. Well, just the ones at my apartment. I don't know if its an issue with my computer or with the wireless, but I haven't been able to get online the last couple days (thus the lack of bog posts). There are several solutions to this problem - if it's not my computer, I could shlep my laptop up to campus or to the library and use the internet there. I can also just use the computers on campus or at the library that are available to whoever. That's what I'm doing now.

Besides the internets thwarting me, the last couple days have been really busy too. The weekend I was home just long enough to sleep. Life is for living, people, not for blogging!

Hit That Jive

2008-11-14T11:42:00.000-07:00

I've had a busy last couple days. On Tuesday I conspired with my friend, Jake, to take over the U Swing Club. Yesterday we talked to the current president and... well, Jake is now officially the president of the U of U Swing Kids and I'm the V.P.

Today we took care of all the official stuff. Paperwork and all with people on campus.

We have big plans. It's going to be awesome!

That is all.

You may call me Madame Vice President.

Death Becomes Me

2008-11-13T15:54:00.003-07:00

I didn't post yesterday, you might have noticed. I had a good excuse though: I was fighting for my life. Yes, your humble authoress was nearly the victim of really terrible poetry.

Anyone who has read the Hitchhiker's Guide knows that bad poetry can be deadly, or at least very very torturous. Last night I was reading two sets of 5 poems for my creative writing class. They were by two different classmates and I had to read them because we are workshopping. Of course, because we're workshopping, I had to read them carefully, closely and more than once. It was literally painful.

These two writers could give to Vogons a run for their money. It was worse than blog -poetry, though I wouldn't be surprised if they would put it on their blogs if they had them. It wasn't even poetry, really. It was fresh dog-shit dressed up in broken lines and declared "poem." It was an amaturish attempt to take the clay block and sculpt it; resulting in a "brilliant" exhibit titled Block. It was the poetic equivilant of the awkward acne riddled teenager drooling on his desk while sitting behind the hot, blonde, popular cheerleader. It was the prattle of an inarticulate idiot whose vocabulary is limited to the drivel picked up in kitchens and back alleyways (bad use of ordinary language, is to me, more vulgar than any profanities that you could throw at me).

I'm having way too much fun with my metaphores, it's getting out of control.

On an interesting, and completely unrelated note, I saw HotFedExBoy on campus today. I didn't talk to him because he was on one side of a window and I was on the other. It was odd seeing him though.

Put This in Your Pipe and Smoke It

2008-11-11T22:38:00.003-07:00

I'm really excited about a couple things today. I'm not going to blog about them though because I don't want to jinx anything.

Instead, I am going to give you something to ponder. It's from the brilliant Beckett play, Waiting For Godot

This is Just To Say

2008-11-10T15:02:00.002-07:00

I was discussing with a friend of mine how I'm kind of stuck for things to write about here every single day. I've decided that I don't like posting every day, and I feel like the quality of my posts goes down when I'm posting just to post, not because I have something to say. But that is beside the point. My friend suggested that I post some of my writing (poems or short stories). It's not like I would be the first blogger to put up his/her own poetry, and it would be a easy, little effort thing to do (as long as I did stuff I've already written rather than write something new each day. Which is what I would do, because I would want to post stuff that's been milling for a while and might actually be good).

I'm not going to post my stuff. I am generally against blog poetry. Why? Because it is almost always completely terrible. And people who don't know any better leave comments on it like "zomg wow that was so amazing and deep your like the best poet ever" which only encourages bad poetry. The logical side of my brain says that just the act of putting a poem on a blog doesn't make the poem bad. The other side of my brain sticks its tongue out and says, "you don't know that for sure. What if it does!" I don't like it when my brains fight.

My friend made the argument that, even if the poetry is not very good, it serves a purpose. It conveys a message to people who know the author really well. It exposes the author in a safe, kind of personal level, to those who he is comfortable exposing himself to (hee hee, exposing oneself). To that I say, why not just write your close friends a letter/e-mail/text message. Or, here's a radical idea, call them if you're Feeling enough to write a poem.

I think the problem is that most people think that poems are all about feeling and/or things that happen. It's an easy mistake to make. Poetry, if it's done right, can be overwhelmingly emotional and can often capture very poignant moments. But, in the words of Stephane Mallarme: "you do not make a poem with ideas, but with words." Poetry is all about the language, the constuction, the process itself. All poetry is, in some ways, just about the poem itself. The subject matter of the poem is irrelevant. True poetry can stand alone without all the background information about the author and what he's been through. I know there are many literary critics who may disagree with that. But a good poem is still a good poem if you take the author out of it. You may not be able to interpret it exactly without some biographical information, but it is still a good poem.

I have never read a blog-poem that was good.

I've read some blog-poems that would make interesting songs for some hipster, obscure indy-band. And that has some merit, but it's a whole different thing. If any of my readers really want to read my stuff... well, let me know. I'm not above sharing my work, and it's always nice to get feedback. I'm just not posting it here.

Oh Weekend

2008-11-09T11:28:00.002-07:00

I was really looking forward to this weekend. I didn't have anything going on Friday and was really excited to sit around and do nothing for once. It was really nice. I spent most of my time reading and drinking tea. Friday night I went dancing at the Golden Skillet- I've been trying to get out there (some AMAZING dancers go there, so it's a great opportunity to dance above my level) for months and haven't been able to. All in all it was a very relaxing day.

I made up for it yesterday. I got up fairly early, for a Saturday, to go shopping for a bridesmaid dress. Exciting, right. My best friend is getting hitched in August. It may seem kind of early to be shopping for dresses, but it's better to do it now than to wait to the very last minute. I was kind of dreading the whole thing, but it ended up being really fun. There are four of us bridesmaids, we're all wearing different dresses. I think it would have been impossible to get us all in the same dress and had us all look not-hideous. All the dresses will be the same color, and our flowers will match, so it's all going to mesh. I'm strangely actually looking forward to this wedding. Click Here if you want to see the dress I ended up with.

I went straight from shopping to work and then straight from work to my friend, Val's house where I quickly changed clothes and then set off for the Symphony. I have to say that last night was one of the most amazing symphony performances I've been to. They started out kind of weak, with Brahms. Brahms is lovely, but doesn't do anything for me. I find him kind of pretty, but boring. The last two pieces were incredible! The second was Elgar's Cello Concerto with a guest soloist... I can't even begin to tell you how amazing it was. For her encore she played an arrangement of a Piazzolla (I think) that was written literally two days before last night special for her by a composer she met on the plane here from Argentina. How cool is that? The final piece was Ginastera, some Argintine dude. It was incredibly exciting. The piece made me want to stand up and cheer. It was awesome.

After the symphony we went to an after party. I didn't get home until about 2 am. Good times. Today I don't have much going on. I'm going to laze around with friends this afternoon, then it's off to Grandma's for dinner with the family.

Let There Be Light

2008-11-07T18:03:00.003-07:00

I (apparently) like florescent lights. That was a comment made in my writing journal (yes, we're back to my Creative Writing class). I do like florescent lights though. They have much more personality than regular lights. They flicker when they come on, they slowly gain luminosity, they hum and buzz once they're fully lit. It's odd, I never thought I would be a florescent liking person.

There is a down side too. Florescent lights tend to make people look washed out and occasionally cast a greenish tint on one's skin. To be honest, I do enjoy the personality to be found in them, but I seem to vilify them too. Any wholesome environment ought to have, at the very least, boring, normal bulbs. At best it would have sunlight. Ah sunlight.

Here We Go Again

2008-11-06T17:41:00.002-07:00

Sorry about yesterday. I was really not in the mood to blog anything. But, since it's nablopomo (still really fun to say!) I felt like I had to do something. That, of course, begs the question: Is it really worth posting if there is nothing to post about?

I guess for the purposes of this month, the answer would be yes. I promise not to do any more like yesterday though. That was a pretty serious cop-out. And, to be fair, I have often posted when there has been nothing to post about. I just usually do it more eloquently than I did yesterday.

So today... what wants to be blogged?

Yesterday my fair city got a decent dusting of snow. It feels kind of early to be starting winter. But I guess it is November, so it was bound to happen sometime soon. Last week the weather was lovely though - in the 70s, perfect fall days - so it's kind of sad to go away from that to snow already. I do love snow though. Watching it fall is a very calming activity. I love the way it makes everything silent and clean.

Besides the weather... I guess I should write about something more than the weather. After all, this is my blog of awesome, not my blog of small talk.

On second thought. I don't want to sit at the computer anymore. I have a book calling my name, and some homework to do. So I'll wait until tomorrow to go on about something more than the snow.

Ha Ha!

2008-11-05T23:12:00.001-07:00

You thought I was going to miss my blog post for today. But you're wrong. I still have, like, 45 minutes until tomorrow. Take that blogosphere!

Happy Election Day!

2008-11-04T15:50:00.002-07:00

Guess what, I'm not going to say anything about politics today. At least not anymore than what I just said, which really isn't much.

I feel fuzzy today. My sleep schedule is all sorts of skewed right now. I don't know if it's because of the daylight savings thing or because I went to Rocky Horror Picture Show on Saturday at midnight and so didn't get to bed until like 4, or maybe 3, depending on when you changed your clock. One would think that I would be over a weird night like that, but I'm not. I'm having a hard time sleeping early at night. I'm still getting up early for class and stuff. The result is that my brain feels blurry. Does that even make sense?

I'm working tonight. That's going to be interesting. All the libraries are polling places so... I'm not sure what to expect. (By the way, this is not talking about politics, it's talking about work) I imagine it's going to be kind of nuts. Oh well. I'll manage to survive.

That's all for today.